


Sweet Home Alabama

by shalysha



Category: Supernatural, destiel - Fandom
Genre: Angst, Blow Job, Dean having a Kid, Drugs, First Time, Football player!cas, Forrest Gump AU, Forrest Gump!Castiel, Hippie!Dean, Homosexuality is normal, Jenny!Dean, M/M, Major character death - Freeform, Masturbation, Ping-Pong Player!Cas, Smut, Soldier!Cas, Top!Castiel, Topping from the Bottom, Vietnam War, Violence, abusive!John, addict!Dean, bottom!Dean, handjob, life story, mention of rape, rich!cas
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-21
Updated: 2016-02-13
Packaged: 2018-04-05 01:01:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 19
Words: 31,562
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4159650
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shalysha/pseuds/shalysha
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"I'm not a smart man... but I know what love is." </p><p>Castiel Novak may not be one of the brightest minds, but fate will take him on a long journey; Elvis, Football, War, Ping-pong, Shrimp fishing, Running, but of all adventures love is the greatest. </p><p>"You know it's funny what a young man recollects? 'Cause I don't remember bein' born. I don't recall what I got for my first Christmas and I don't know when I went on my first outdoor picnic. But I do remember the first time I heard the sweetest voice in the wide world."</p><p> </p><p>WARNING! This story, if you know Forrest Gump, contains major character death as well as mentions of rape.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Sweet Home Alabama

                                          [](http://imgur.com/h2oX5Km)


	2. Light as a Feather

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is where the story begins.. Forrest Gump is my favourite movie and as you will realise through the story I know it very well :) Chapters will vary in length and I can't promise regular updates.

It was black. No, it was oilier in its color because when the sunlight hit it just the right way you could see blue, green and red shining from it. It was beautiful in its own way, unique. The way it danced with the wind, through the air, over the sky. You could just stare at it forever, mesmerizing, relaxing. And when it would fall against the ground you would blow on it, play that game from when you were little; make sure it never hit the ground. You’ve ever wondered what it would be like to fly? I bet that not a long time ago this tiny little feather was attached to a beautiful bird, maybe a majestic, but larcenous raven. Flying over land watching the world pass on by underneath. This little feather though took a chance and went out on its own, see the world for its self, not flying anymore, just floating. Falling? 

It was mere centimeters from hitting the asphalt when the little wind from a car passing by lifted it up in the air again. Then it finally hit the ground for good. Its journey had been long, but the pair of shoes it now rested against had travelled just as far. A pair of worn-out sneakers that once had been new and shiny white, now muddy, dirty and filled with stories from a long life. And this specific pair of shoes hadn’t even seen half of what it’s owner had. 

He bend over where he sat on the bench, stretching out his arm for the little feather that had found its way to him. Gingerly he picked it up, silently admiring its color and its softness against his fingers. He held it while he pulled his suitcase onto his lap clicking open the clasps grabbing a yellow children book from within. He flipped it open at a random page and placed the feather on an artistic drawing of a flower field, closing the book, preserving the feather, saving its beauty in his all time favorite book. He ran a finger over the cover, the picture of a bumblebee and the curly letters spelling out Curious Charlie. 

He carefully put the book back and placed the suitcase beside him on the bench again as a bus stopped in front of him. It wasn’t his bus, but he didn’t complain about having to wait a bit longer though. The weather was beautiful sunny and warm, but a tiny breeze made sure it wasn’t uncomfortable to be outside. Everything was green now; this was the best time of year, the transition from spring to summer. The noise from the cars and the busses weren’t annoying neither were the noise from the kids playing on the playground in the park just behind him, the background noise were soothing in a way, like it belonged and it would be wrong without it. It was the evidence of life. 

A nurse got of the bus, her white short dress a stark contrast to her dark tanned skin. She sat down on the bench, opposite end from him. She flipped open her magazine, reading, paying no attention to the world her nor to the man beside her. 

“Hello, my name is Castiel, Castiel Novak.” He turned towards her, but she didn’t react at all. He took the box that lay on top of his suitcase and lifted the lid off. “Want a chocolate?” He asked politely, but all he got was a sidelong glance and a silent ‘no, thank you’ from her shake of her head. He grabbed a piece himself before putting the top back on. He bit into a hard chocolate shell and caramel flowed out, filling his mouth, the sweet taste and creamy feeling hitting his tongue. Every chocolate for him is a memory. 

“My brother always said, “Life is like a box of chocolates. You never know what you’re gonna get.” Except for Castiel… Over the years he had gotten to know how the caramel-filled ones looked like, he loved chocolates and especially those. He still liked the figure of speech though. 

He pointed at her white nurse-shoes and swallowed the caramel goodness before he spoke, “those look like comfortable shoes.” His thick Alabama accent was evident in everything he said. 

This time she looked up, a hint of annoyance showing on her face. “My feet hurt,” her attention was back on her magazine instantly. 

“My brother used to tell me that you could tell a lot about a person on their shoes, where they’ve been, where they’re going. If I think really hard I think I can remember my first pair of shoes, Gabriel told me they were magical shoes and they were gonna carry me everywhere.”

[ ](http://s300.photobucket.com/user/Cecilie_Stenner_Rasmussen/media/Skaeligrmbillede%202015-07-08%20kl.%2022.25.35_zpsdw4fci2p.png.html)

The doctor lifted Castiel off the table and put him down on the floor pushing lightly at his back to make him walk a tour around the room. The splints made him walk funny and they made noise, rustled with every step he took. They were attached from shoe to upper thigh and they made his walking more stiff. The doctor, on the heavy side, his shirt tight around his middle, suspenders holding up his pants, sat down on his little chair with wheels across from Gabriel. They followed Castiel with their eyes around the room as he tried out his new shoes. 

“That boy have got the strongest legs I’ve ever seen in my many years in this business, but his back is as crooked as a question mark. I’m sure this will help him straighten right up though.” The doctor smiled at them as Castiel came to stand behind Gabriel. He took of his small round NHS-style spectacles off and wiped them clean on his handkerchief. He stood up and shook hands with Gabriel. 

“He probably won’t like them at first, but he’ll get used to them soon enough. If there’s any other problems that come up or anything feel free to stop by.” He opened the door to the waiting room for them and Gabriel took Castiel’s hand as they left the clinic.

People stared at Castiel as they walked past on the street, though Castiel didn’t notice it clearly bothered Gabriel. “What are you staring at?! Have you never seen a little boy with braces on his legs before?” He snarled at an older woman sending eyes. The three men that always hung out at the barber all turned and looked at them through the store window as they walked by. The glass muffled their gossiping. Gabriel pulled at the hand that were holding Castiel’s and he sped up on their way out of town. 

 _We lived five hundred meters from route seventeen, eight hundred meters from Greenbow Alabama that’s in Greenbow County. It was an old house, Gabriel told me our parents had given it to us when they went on vacation. As long as I can remember Gabriel has always taken care of me. The house had many extra rooms, but they were never empty. Gabriel rented out the rooms we weren’t using which meant the house was always filled with people, coming and going. I was never lonely and I was never bored. Gabriel made dinner for everybody every night and I loved listening to all the stories people had to tell. One time a young man stayed with us and he had a guitar. He used to play some of his songs for me and I showed him how to move. Gabriel always told me to leave him alone and stop bothering him. Some years later I saw him on television through the window at the radio store, apparently he had become famous for his singing and dancing, the moves that I showed him. That young guy had become king, unfortunately he died years later of a heart attack, I guess it’s hard being king. Oh, did I tell you that I was starting school after the summer? Gabriel always made sure I got the best._

“I’m sorry mr. Novak, but it is what it is.” 

Gabriel was sitting in the principal’s office. The walls were a dull grey color, the interior consisted of the big almond-brown desk, a brown leather chair and two smaller chairs upholstered with green material that itched slightly against the skin. The bookcase against the left wall had a few yearbooks, encyclopedias and other books as well as a few trophies and diplomas in frames. The window was too high and too small letting only a tiny bit of the sunlight in making it possible to see every tiny speck of dust dancing in the empty air. 

“My baby brother is not gonna go in some specialaid class, he may be a bit slow, but he will not get special treatment, he will be treated like any other kid.” 

Castiel could hear them talking from where he sat on a light-brown bench just outside the open door in the hall. He was sitting on his hands, swinging his legs from his too high to reach the floor seat. 

The principal went and sat on the corner of his desk right in front of Gabriel, he showed him a green chart and pointed to the two lines. “This here is where normal kids are, an IQ of eighty. Your brother is down here, way under the line.” 

Gabriel sighed and crossed on leg over the other, he sneaked a glance at the open door behind him. “There must be something you can do…”

“I will have to discuss that with your parents.” 

“Our parents are on vacation.” Gabriel said, knowing that Castiel could probably hear them. 

“Is there another a boyfriend or a girlfriend then?” He asked moving closer and placing his hand on Gabriel’s thigh.

Gabriel weren’t stupid, he knew what the principal wanted. He shook his head slowly, looking at the floor, he really did wanted to give his brother the best in life. He wrote down their adress and a time that evening before he left the office shaking hands with the principal and then walking into the hall taking Castiel’s little hand in his.

 

That evening Castiel sat on the tree-swing in the corner of their garden swinging back and forth. The noises from Gabriel’s room was echoing through the night air. Dew had covered the grass and it made Castiel’s shoes wet as he walked across the lawn to their large frontporch. He had his own small white rocking chair by the three steps leading down to the little stonepath that went from the porch to the garden gate in their white picket fence. He rocked back and forth as he stared blankly out into the dark cooling night. The screen door opened behind him the hinges creaking and the sound of tree slamming against tree sounding as it slammed closed again. The principal walked up beside him, jacket slung over his arm and suspenders hanging loose down his thighs. He was drying away sweat from his forehead with a handkerchief. He walked down the few steps wiping his neck and the looking back at Castiel in his chair. 

“You don’t talk much, do you?” He asked as he blew out a hard breath. 

Castiel looked up at him, it wasn’t words that came out of his mouth, it was an imitation of the sounds he had heard the principal make just a few minutes ago. “Eh eh eh eh eh eh eh eh.” It made the principal walk a little faster through the front lawn and out to his car. Castiel looked at him drive away before Gabriel was calling him inside. 

 

They were sitting side by side on the bed that evening, just like every other night. Gabriel was reading out loud from Curious Charlie, which lay in Castiel’s lap. This were their every day ritual, reading a bedtime story for Castiel. Every day when bedtime came Gabriel asked which book to read and every day Castiel answered with Curious Charlie, the tales of the little bumblebee were his absolute favorite. Gabriel read and Castiel followed the words in the text in hope that one day he would learn to read them himself. 

Castiel looked up at Gabriel causing him to stop reading and switch his attention from the book to his baby brother. “Gabriel, what does vacation mean?” 

Gabriel knew that someday he was going to start asking questions, but he also knew that he wouldn’t understand it yet. “Vacation is when you go somewhere and never come back.” That seemed to be enough for Castiel. He crawled under his blanket and laid his head down on the white pillow. Gabriel tucked him in properly and kissed his forehead before flicking off the light and leaving the door open just the slightest bit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I will very much appreciate comments and thoughts on the story ^_^


	3. The Voice of an Angel

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a short chapter, but the next one will be even shorter. I'm cutting up the story in portions and as said before the vary in size :) I hope you'll enjoy

The woman was still not paying much attention to Castiel’s story, eyes still focused on the magazine open in her hands. More cars filled the streets as the noon traffic jam was slowly forming. Castiel had paused his storytelling to look at her, but didn’t seem bothered by her not listening. He kept speaking.

 

[ ](http://s300.photobucket.com/user/Cecilie_Stenner_Rasmussen/media/Skaeligrmbillede%202015-07-08%20kl.%2022.25.35_zpsdw4fci2p.png.html)

It was early morning; dew was making the grass wet, but beautiful at the same time as every time the sun hit a single drop it shone like pure silver. Gabriel had waked him up early that day, making him a bowl of cereal which he ate while Gabriel packed his new backpack with all the stuff that he would need that day; pencils, an eraser, ruler, colors, notebook and a lunchbox. He had dressed him in one of his finest shirts, a white one with thin blue stripes buttoned all the way up. He had his brown shorts on where there was room enough for his splints. Blue and white striped socks and his brown shoes, which Gabriel always laced with a bow and double knot so it didn’t go up during the day because Castiel didn’t know how to tie them himself yet. His black hair was spiked up in the front with a little bit of wax. 

Gabriel had held his hand and walked him down to the dirt road at the end of their yard. They sat on two little tree stumps placed beside a row of white mailboxes. Here they sat in comfortable silence until the school bus would arrive and take Castiel to his first day of school. Not many minutes had to go by before the yellow bus became visible as it turned down the dirt road kicking up dust as it drove over the yellowish gravel. The door swung open with a tiny squeaky sound and they both stood up. Gabriel pushed slightly at Castiel’s back so he would take the few steps towards the bus. He seemed so little standing in front of the three large steps that lead to where the driver was sitting. The chauffeur was a young woman with brown little curls tied up in a messy bun with a pink band, she was chewing loudly on a piece of gum. 

“You comin’?” She asked simply as she blew a pink bubble. 

“My brother tells me not to ride with strangers,” his voice was wavering a bit from nervousness. She was looking at him expectantly clearly waiting to see if he would come up with a solution to that. “My name is Castiel, Castiel Novak.” He said then. 

“And I’m Dorothy Harris.” 

“Now we’re not strangers anymore,” Castiel remarked as he went up the tall steps. There were already a lot of kids seated in the rows of brown leather seats. As he walked along the length of the bus what he met from all the boys sitting here and there was a string of “this seat’s taken.” Even the ones where only a single boy was sitting, “seat’s taken” a blonde boy said as he made sure his tiny body filled the space where three boys easily could sit. He was just accepting his fate of having to stand up all the way to school when a tiny voice spoke up. 

_You know it’s funny what a young man recollects? ’Cause I don’t remember bein’ born. I don’t recall what I got for my first Christmas and I don’t know when I went on my first outdoor picnic. But I do remember the first time I heard the sweetest voice in the wide world._

“You can sit here if you want,” Castiel looked to his side where the voice was coming from, confused as to if it was him that was being addressed. By the window sat a little blonde boy, his hair had a reddish glow and it was spiked up in the front like Castiel’s. Big green eyes were looking up at him, flecks of gold mingling with the grass green of his irises. 

_I had never seen anyone or anything that beautiful, he looked like an angel._

Castiel stood anxiously frozen to the floor for a moment before the boy asked, “What’s wrong with your legs?” 

That brought Castiel out of his thoughts and he said as he sat down; “Nothin’ at all, thank you. My legs are just fine and dandy.” He sat, back straight looking right ahead. “My brother says my back is as crooked as a question mark, these’re gonna make me straight as an arrow. They’re my magic shoes.” 

“My name is Dean,” the boy offered. Looking at him like he was staring right into his head. 

“My name is Castiel, Castiel No-ovak.” Castiel stammered slightly, he was fairly unused to talking with people outside of Gabriel and the houseguests occupying the spare rooms. 

“Are you stupid or somethin’?” Dean asked bluntly, clearly not the owner of the same manners Castiel had been taught through his entire life. He was surprised by the sudden question and whipped his head to the side blue meeting green. 

“Stupid is as stupid does,” it was something Gabriel always used to say and in that moment it was the only answer Castiel could think of. A tiny smiled sneaked its way to Castiel’s lips and Dean soon mimicked it. It seemed enough of an answer for him. From that day on they were inseparable, they were like peas and carrots.

  

Every day after school Dean got off the bus with Castiel, they went to a big old oak tree not far from their property. Its body was thick each layering an evidence of another year come and gone. Its bark was deeply grooved and rough. The crown spread wide and could provide both shelter and shadow. The tree was perfect for climbing; the branches thick like the trunk and perfectly placed. They used to sit on the lowest branch it was bent so the outermost part touched the ground. It was like a bench created by nature itself. It was their spot. 

_Dean would teach me how to climb and I would teach him how to dangle. Dean could climb all the way to the top of the tree, which I couldn’t, but I could dangle for longer time that Dean could._

Some days they would bring a book or two with them and they would sit on the nethermost branch. Dean would read the story, having Castiel follow the words as Dean enunciated every word clearly for him. He was always very patient with him. 

Most days Dean would eat at their place and Gabriel never minded. They would stay out late at the tree until the sun went down. They would sit side by side and watch the sunset, watch the sky getting painted yellow and orange sometimes pink and purple. They would sit and wait for the stars to come out, the sky darkening and the breeze getting colder. 

“Gabriel is gonna worry ‘bout me.” Castiel tried, he knew he needed to get home. 

“Just stay a little longer,” Dean would always plead and Castiel couldn’t deny him, he stayed every time Dean asked him too. 

_For some reason Dean never wanted to go home._


	4. Make Me an Angel

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a VERY short chapter, but the one I'm working on will be a bit longer therefore will also take a little longer to write.

The weather was great that day, the sun was shining and the air was warm, but in a comfortable way. They were walking home that day down an avenue of chestnut trees, the dry gravel making their shoes greyish and dusty. The trees cast a continuous shadow along the dirt road. They were walking with a few books in their arms talking about everything and nothing in particular. 

They had walked a good part of the way down the avenue when a couple of older boys turned the corner behind them on their bikes. “Hey! Dummy!” They yelled after them, or more precisely after Castiel. They stopped and threw their bikes on the ground as they got near, picking up stones to throw at Castiel hitting him in the back. “Are you retarded or just playing stupid?” 

Both Dean and Castiel turned around and Castiel got hit with a stone again right on his forehead, a trail of blood already running down from his hairline. Dean acted quickly, grabbing Castiel’s books as he pushed at his back and yelled, “Run, Cas. Run! Run, Cas!” It took Castiel all of two seconds to react and then he started running, running like his life depended on it. Behind him he heard Dean’s little voice call out again, “Run, Cas. Run.” As the bullies raced past him, Castiel being their only target. Unlucky for them, it turned out Castiel could run fast as a lightning. At first the splints made it difficult to run, but as the doctor had said, Castiel had very strong legs. A few times of bending his legs further than the splints allowed as he ran, bust the metal attached to his legs and it broke off in pieces. The pieces fell to the ground and Castiel heard the sound of the bikes driving over them somewhere behind him. A way down the road he turned and ran over a field of grass, escaping the boys somewhere along the way. 

_You probably wouldn’t believe me if I told you, but I could run like the wind. I ran by the fishermen sitting on the bridge that day, I ran through town, past the barbershop, everybody turned their heads as I passed them by. From that day on, if I was going somewhere, I was running. One day Dean wasn’t at school so I ran by his house._

Dean lived in a ramshackle house, it had once been white, but the paint was chipped and the tree was rotten. The windows were crooked and the door creaked when it was opened and closed. The roof was leaky and in winter it would be freezing inside, the ice-cold wind blowing through every hole in the walls. It was a small house at the end of a small dirt road, a cornfield surrounded it and there were no other houses in the nearest vicinity. Dean’s mother had died when he was younger a subject he didn’t like to talk about. It was just he, his dad, Sam and Adam. 

_Dean’s dad was a very loving man; he was always kissing and touching Dean and his brothers._

Castiel knocked on the door and when no one answered and no one could be seen through the window by the door he went around the house. Behind the house at the edge of the cornfield stood Dean, he was nervously picking at one of the leaves when Castiel walked up behind him. “Why weren’t you at school today, Dean?” Dean whipped around and grabbed Castiel’s wrist and pulled him with as he ran into the field through the corn, the plants and leaves lashing against their bare skin. 

At the house somewhere behind them the squeaking of the door could be heard as well as the heavy footsteps of John treading down the few steps from the run down porch. “Dean!” They heard him shouting, “Dean, where’d you run to, boy? You better come back here!” 

Dean dropped to his knees in the middle of the field and pulled Castiel down with him. “Pray with me, Cas. Please pray with me.” Castiel looked at him in confusion, but mimicked Dean anyway when he folded his hands and bent his head in a humble gesture. “Dear God, make me an angel, so I can fly far, far, far away. Dear God, make me an angel, so I can fly far, far, far away.” 

_Gabriel always told me, God works in mysterious ways. He didn’t turn Dean into an angel that day. Instead he had the police say Dean didn’t have to live in that house anymore. God had an officer come pick up Dean and take him to live at his uncle Bobby, whom owned an auto shop just over on Creekmore Avenue which made me very happy because that meant he was very close to me. Some nights, Dean would sneak out and come over to my house. He always said it was because he was scared, of what I didn’t know…_

Those nights Dean walked barefoot, only wearing in his white pajamas to Castiel’s house. He would walk over the damp grass to the porch where he would climb up a corner post to the second floor and jump over the balcony’s railing. Castiel would leave his glass door slightly ajar for Dean at night. 

Dean tiptoed over the floor and then crawled into Castiel’s bed sliding under covers. They lay there on their sides, just looking at each other with no talking and then without warning Dean hugged Castiel, snuggling up against his chest. He seemed liked he felt secure, safe and content. They fell asleep like that, but before Castiel woke up Dean would be gone.

_…But my best guess would be his uncle Bobby’s dog. It was a big and scary dog. I didn’t mind having Dean over, we were the best of friends and we would continue being best friends, all the way to high school._


	5. Running Like the Wind

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's a long chapter for you guys, you deserved that after that short one, but i suspect the one after this will be just as short :) There isn't much smut in this story in general since it's hard to fit it in, but I put some for you at the end of this chapter, but let me just WARN you; The smut is followed by some major angst, sorry ^_^

It was the beginning of their senior year, it was summer, it was hot and you could hear the grasshoppers singing. They were walking down the avenue, just like they tended to do; only now they were older. Castiel had grown quite a bit and was now slightly taller than Dean. He was skinny and lanky, dressed in a light blue short-sleeved shirt buttoned all the way like always, it was stopped into a pair of brown pants held up by a black leather belt. Dean had grown too, he was maybe not as tall as Castiel, but his shoulders were broader. His hair had become more dirty-blond almost brown over the years, the reddish glow it had once had could now only be seen on his chin whenever he sported some short stubble. The summer sun had made his freckles more distinct and the green of his eyes stood out as a contrast to his dark tanned skin. He was wearing a tight white wife beater making it easy to see the defined muscle of his abs underneath and Castiel more than once admired the size of Dean’s bicep, it was obvious to anybody that this guy worked out. He had black shorts on his bowed legs and a pair of brown flip-flops. 

Then history repeated itself; it had become some sort of weird start-of-the-year tradition. Castiel was hit in the back with a big rock just below the head, he turned clearly baffled and then he saw the blue pick-up truck coming up behind them. “Hey stupid!” one of the guys yelled from the back of the truck, a few of the other guys mimicking him and throwing a few extra stones. 

Once again Dean turned to Castiel, “Run Cas!” Castiel didn’t react and the truck got nearer. “Run Cas, run!” The Castiel started running. Over the years as he had grown, his legs getting longer, he had become a fast runner. Running from a vehicle wasn’t much of a challenge. 

“Yeah, you better run!” One of the guys shouted behind him, but he sounded a bit disappointed as it became clear they couldn’t catch up with him. Castiel crossed over the field, as he tended to do, the truck hot on his heels. He reached an asphalted road, which unfortunately gave the car an advantage. Along the road laid the schools football field and Castiel saw an opportunity to loose the bullies. He made a sharp turned and ran through one of the gaps in the fence, impossible for the truck to follow. 

Castiel ran over the football field oblivious to the game in session and ignorant to the scout from university of Alabama amongst the audience. He looked to the trainer of the high school’s team, “Who in the hell is that?” He asked, his face clearly showing his interest. 

The local coach was looking less than pleased when Castiel ran through the row of players, “That sir, is Castiel Novak. He’s just a local fool.” 

_I used to run because I liked it and ‘cause it got me to where I was going; now I never thought it would actually take me anywhere. Do you believe it? I actually got to go to college_. 

Castiel had gotten himself a scholarship without really realizing, according to the coach from the university of Alabama Castiel Novak was just what his team needed. From morning till noon Castiel had classes and from noon through the afternoon he had practice, then there was the games. Now, Castiel had never been the sharpest knife, he had a tendency to be a bit… Slow. Well, at least when he wasn’t running. Whenever they had a game Castiel stood still by the corner the most of the time, when he was needed he was passed the ball and then he ran. 

It was a Saturday game and the second half had just been kicked off, they were only slightly behind, but the coach had said it was timed for Castiel to be set to work. He was passed the ball, but like every time he didn’t seem to react or know what to do, that problem they had had fixed. A large part of the crowd all raised signs into the air and together they formed the word ‘GO!’. Castiel ran, he ran as fast as his legs would bear him. He ran past the goal line and scored, but he continued, running right through the marching band and knocked over trumpeter and the through the tunnel and out of the stadium. By the next match they made sure that problem was fixed too and every time Castiel had run to the goal line and was just about to continue a red cloth was rolled down from the top of the passageway with big bold white letters spelling out ‘STOP!’ written on it. If you asked Castiel he would tell you how confusing he found college at times. 

For example there was that day Castiel accidently went on national TV. The old fellows at the barbershop at home were all following the news on an old big brown TV. Castiel had been on his way to a late afternoon class in the main building, but the door was blocked by a ring of people standing around it. Newsmen were there, talking into their cameras describing the events. Castiel tried to move closer, curious as to what all the commotion was about. In the middle of the door stood a man dressed in a fine black suit his hair slicked back, he looked rather important. Another guy was standing beside him, talking to him in front of a big camera. “Governor Wallace from that statement that you are going to stand in that door and that you are not…” 

Castiel moved up even closer bumping shoulders with a guy he knew from the team. “Hey Zach, you know what’s going on?” 

Zach was short for Zachariah and he sure wasn’t afraid to say what he meant. He huffed clearly irritated by the ordeal happening at his school. “Coons are trying to get into our school, do you believe it?” His tone was slightly angry and a hell of a lot judgmental. His eyes wasn’t on Castiel, he was following everything going on in front of them. 

Castiel looked confused at Zach and around them. “Coons?” He asked he wasn’t getting it. “When raccoons tried to get onto our back porch once, Gabriel just chased ‘em away with a broomstick.” Castiel stated innocently.

“Not raccoons you idiot, niggas. They want to go to school with us.” Zach’s voice held disgust. 

In Castiel’s head, he couldn’t see why they couldn’t all attend the same school; Castiel didn’t own one judgmental bone in his entire body. The only thing confusing him was that they wanted to go to the same school as they did. He moved closer to the main building, right by the door he could stick his head out between the yellow brick wall and another man standing there. He was almost right beside the man known as Governor George Wallace as he spoke. 

At home they were all watching on the black and white screen. The newsman finished off saying, “And so at day's end the University of Alabama in Tuscaloosa had been desegregated and students Jimmy Hood and Vivian Malone had been signed up for summer classes.” A young black man and a young black woman both dressed in fine clothes were led towards the door, all eyes around them and through the TV country wide were on them. 

Almost at the door the woman’s notebook slipped out from where she was holding it with a few others under her are, it dropped to the ground with a quiet thud without her noticing. Castiel standing in the crowd saw the book and stepped through the line of people and went to pick up the leather-bound notebook. “Excuse me, ma’am?” The woman turned around as she was being addressed. Castiel handed back her book with a polite smile. “You dropped your book, ma’am.” She nodded gratefully and went to catch up with the others.

The football coach from Castiel’s old school was sitting at the barber with the other men; his assistant coach was studying the screen as Castiel popped into the frame. “Say? Wasn’t that Novak?” After closer inspection he shook his head, “Naw, it couldn’t possibly be…” He sounded quite unsure. 

The coach leaned back in his wooden chair taking off his red cap, holding it in his hands as a surprised frown spread over his face, “It sure as hell was. Our own town fool Castiel Novak was just on national TV.”

[](http://s300.photobucket.com/user/Cecilie_Stenner_Rasmussen/media/Skaeligrmbillede%202015-07-08%20kl.%2022.25.35_zpsdw4fci2p.png.html) 

A woman with a toddler in her arms joined the two on the bench. 

“A few years later that guy standing in our school’s door though it to be a good idea to run for president, someone didn’t share that belief. He was shot, but he didn’t die.” Castiel said, as his mind seemed to come back from the flashback. 

A bus pulled up to the stop in front of them, the young nurse looked at her watch and went to stand up. For the first time she seemed to really acknowledge Castiel and politely nodded to him and said, “my bus is here.” 

“Is it the number nine?” Castiel asked. 

“No, it’s the number 4.” She answered him before skipping up the small steps past the chauffeur. Castiel followed the bus with his eyes as it drove away. 

The woman beside him moved closer, placing her little boy on the bench between them. The kid was sucking on a plastic toy truck and was looking up at him with big brown eyes. “I remember when Wallace was shot,” She said looking at Castiel with a smile; she seemed nicer and more talkative than the nurse. “I was in college at the time,” She told him as she removed the thumb that had found its way into the little boy’s mouth. 

“Dean went to another college than me, it wasn’t that far, only a couple hours. I went to see him every chance I got.”

 

[ ](http://s300.photobucket.com/user/Cecilie_Stenner_Rasmussen/media/Skaeligrmbillede%202015-07-08%20kl.%2022.25.35_zpsdw4fci2p.png.html)

Castiel found himself sitting on a bench outside the building where Dean’s dorm was, Dean wasn’t home when Castiel arrived and he wasn’t allowed in the building otherwise. He had arrived late in the afternoon when the sun hung low in the sky, he had went to Dean’s dorm, but was informed by his roommate Crowley that he wouldn’t be home until late in the evening. So without knowing what else to do, Castiel had sat his little butt down on the bench in front of the building and waited. The sun had set and the quarter moon had risen. It was getting colder by the minute and as if that wasn’t enough it had started to drizzle. The small drops turned into a heavy downpour, so there he sat. He was soaked to the bone within minutes; his Bordeaux shirt almost turning black and clutched in his hands was a box of chocolates. You could see him trembling from the cold from miles away, but Castiel didn’t mind, not when he was going to see Dean. 

It had been raining cats and dogs for about an hour when a dark blue car parked near where Castiel sat. The windows were fogged and made it impossible to see who were behind the glass. Castiel could just make out the shapes of two persons in the vehicle from where he was sitting; they were embracing each other, kissing. A steady rhythm from a song playing on the cars radio could be heard from the bench. Castiel looked away, Gabriel had taught him manners and he knew when not to stare. 

He heard the thump as one of the figures were pressed against the window, a sound of displeasure sounded and then Castiel heard, “Ouch, that hurts. Stop it!” Castiel would know that voice amongst hundreds of others, he acted on instinct, and some primal part of him took over. He ran over to the car and looked in through the front where then window weren’t as misted over as the others. Castiel saw the guy, brown half long hair and black t-shirt; he was bend over Dean whom was smashed against the passenger door. When Dean put up his hands to try and push him off, the guy grabbed his hands and held them tight, too tight earning another ‘ouch’ from Dean. 

Castiel went straight to the drivers seat; he swung open the unlocked door and pulled the guy out of the car with a firm grip on his upper arm. “What the fuck?!” The guy shouted and was then hit by Castiel’s fist on his jaw, the next punch hit his nose and a loud crack was heard, but that didn’t stop him. The guy was shouting and trying to defend himself, but Castiel was strong and he was seeing red. 

Dean rushed out of the car nearly tripping over his own legs to get around the car. Castiel had the guy by his collar and was releasing punch after punch; he was just about to hit again when he felt Dean’s hand grab his wrist. “Cas, stop it!” Castiel let go of the guy who stumbled to lean against the car to keep upright, his lip was split, his eyebrow was split too, two black eyes were already beginning to form and his nose look just the slightest way of crooked to the left. Dean was looking right at him and Castiel’s heart rate slowly went back to normal as he focused on the fields of green staring at him with something like sorrow, disappointment, but still the tiniest bit gratefulness. “Castiel, what are you doing?” His voice was soft, Dean knew yelling wouldn’t make anything clearer to Castiel. Getting angry would just frighten him.

Castiel looked confused at the guy and then back at Dean standing mere inches from him. “He was hurting you,” He stated his voice soft, almost a whisper.

Dean was looking sad, “Cas, go wait for me over there.” He pointed towards the door, but Castiel hesitated. “Castiel, go.” Dean’s voice was sterner, like when a parent talked to a naughty kid, which was how you sometimes had to talk to Castiel. He obeyed then and walked a few steps towards the bench he had been sitting on, picking up the box of chocolates. 

Dean turned towards the guy, “I’m so sorry Jimmy, I don’t know what he was thinking.” Dean went to touch his arm, but the guy shied away from him. 

“Don’t touch me!” He gritted it out through his teeth. “Get away from me,” he hissed and went to get into the car with the still open door. “Don’t ever contact me again.” His voice was cold as he slammed his door and started his car. 

Dean took a few steps toward the car as it drove off, “Jimmy, wait! He doesn’t know any better.” He yelled as the taillights disappeared around the corner.

Dean was soaked by now and Castiel was even worse, he stood there staring at Dean and he looked like a lost puppy, a puppy Dean couldn’t possibly stay mad at. Especially not when Castiel held out the white box with a red band around it, “I brought you chocolates.” He couldn’t help but laugh softly as he took the box from Castiel. 

He hooked his arm with Castiel’s and steered them towards the door. “Look at you Castiel, how long were you out here? You’re cold as ice. Come on, let’s get you inside.” They tiptoed their way to Dean’s room, careful not to make any noise and wake people in the other dorms. Dean unlocked his door silently letting Castiel step inside in front of him.

“Where’s your roommate?” Castiel noted the absence in the bed against the far wall. 

“Oh, Crowley? He always sneaks his way to his girlfriend’s dorm at night.” Dean went to Crowley’s part of the room and grabbed a rope of a hook on the wall he threw it at Castiel. “Get rid off those wet clothes and put this on. We can’t have you getting pneumonia.” Dean smiled sweetly as he started pealing of his plaid shirt and t-shirt, which proved difficult with the way it was plastered to his damp skin. 

Castiel had wrapped himself in the black fluffy rope as he kicked his white briefs of and into the pile of wet fabric. He sat on the bed and looked at Dean as he undressed, feeling something weird bubble low in his stomach. “You ever dream Cas? About where you’re gonna go, who you’re gonna be.” Dean bent down to untie his boots. 

“Aren’t I going to be me?” Castiel asked confused, Dean look back at him, his gentle smile reaching al the way to his eyes making the suntanned skin crinkle at the corners. 

Dean toed off his shoes, “You’ll always be you Cas and I don’t ever want you to change, but you know, just another kind of you. Me, I wanna be famous.” He starts to unzip his pants as he keeps speaking. “I want to be a singer, the male version of Joan Baez. I want an empty stage, just me, my voice and my guitar.” Dean sat down on the bed pulling of his worn grey jeans by the hem, taking his socks of at the same time. “I want to reach out to people, on a personal level. I want my songs to mean something.” 

Castiel was starting to feel flustered as he sat beside Dean so close he could feel the heats radiating of his body. Dean was still in his boxers, but the were wet and clinging to his body leaving nothing to the imagination. He was fidgeting with his hands at his sides, pulling at a loose thread in the rope trying to look everywhere but at Dean’s muscular chest. 

Dean noticed Castiel’s discomfort, but he recognized it for what it was. With a single finger he loosened the simple knot on the rope and pulled it aside exposing Castiel to the chill air in the room. Just as Dean expected Castiel was half hard and his breath hitched at the sight. Dean and seen Castiel naked a lot of times, but that was when they were kids and bathing in the lake on a hot summer day. Castiel was beautiful, pale, but flushed red from arousal. Dean couldn’t help himself when he let two fingers slide up his length and he relished in the moan that tumbled past Castiel’s lips. He was big, bigger than Dean both in length and girth. Dean licked his lips as he closed his palm around him, his own cock springing to attention. He looked at Castiel’s face, cheeks a dark crimson, eyes closed and lips parted in a mute moan. “You’ve ever been with anyone Cas?” He asked, Castiel opened his eyes to look at him, the usual light blue of a zircon now deep blue like the ocean or a sapphire. He looked confused clearly not understanding. Dean stroked his hand upwards palming the thick head and pressing his thumb against the slit as he spoke again, “like this.” He looked at his own hand as he pumped it down and up again flicking his wrist on the upstroke. Castiel shook his head, no words seemingly wanting to be formed in his mouth.   

After a few more strokes Dean slowly slid of the bed and onto his knees on the floor, he situated himself in front of Castiel looking up at him through long, thick, black lashes. Castiel was fully erect by now, the evidence lying proudly against his stomach. With a hand on each of his knees Dean carefully parted Castiel’s legs and moved closer. Dean laid openmouthed kisses on Castiel’s inner thigh and he felt him shivering through his hands placed on his hips. He kissed his way to the thick curly bush and nuzzled his nose against the base. He moved down taking each of his balls in his mouth sucking on them one at a time. The smell of Cas was intoxicating, he had that scent of the summer drizzle on his skin and then that scent of apple and cinnamon that was all him, it reminded Dean of pie and made his mouth water. 

Dean licked a wet trail up the vein on the underside of Castiel’s shaft, reaching the head and wrapping his lips around it swallowing him down in one easy go. Castiel hit the back of Dean’s throat and whimpered, “Dean.” 

Dean slowly lifted off Castiel with an obscenely loud pop echoing of the walls, “It’s okay Cas.” He assured him before kissing the tip and sucking him down again. Dean was so used to people taking advantage of the position he was in now, fucking his mouth hard until his jaw would ache, but Castiel didn’t even dare move. Dean took both of Castiel’s hands and placed them on his head, encouraging him. Dean felt his fingers comb through the hair at his neck and he felt their grip tightening as he deep throated him and started humming, letting the vibration run through Castiel’s dick, up his spine and down to his balls. But not once did Castiel do anything that hurt Dean and Dean felt a single tear run down his cheek at the kindness he didn’t experience often. 

“Dean…” It sounded almost like a prayer, but also a warning at the same time. 

Dean swirled his tongue over the head and pressed it into the slit. “I got you Castiel. God, you’re so beautiful like this.” Dean was in awe with the sight before him, “Come for me Cas.” The back of his throat made contact with the head in one swift moment and then Dean felt Castiel emptying himself down his throat with a grunt and for the first time Dean swallowed every drop gladly. 

He cleaned every stray drop of with his tongue and when Castiel was soft he closed the rope around him again. Dean was still hard in his boxers, his erection beginning to ache from being neglected, but he couldn’t ask that of Castiel. “Try and get some sleep Cas, I’ll just take a shower.” He grabbed a pair of pajamas pants and closed the door to the bathroom behind him. He turned on the water letting it heat up as he looked at himself in the mirror, his lips were puffy from the blowjob and his eyes were red rimmed from tears he was holding back. Castiel had been so gentle, so sweet. Dean’s own dad had never been that kind and he only had a faint memory of his mom singing for him when he was younger. His dad had beat her too, raped her too. The tears didn’t listen when he prayed for them to go away. Dean didn’t know if his mom had escaped, ran away without her boys or if she was buried somewhere in that cornfield dead of heart ache or of being abused too much, too often. Dean had gotten away and never looked back, he knew Sammy would be safe with Bobby and their big brother Adam could be anywhere by now. 

Dean stepped under the hot spray, not many minutes ticked by before he took himself in his hand. Jacking off to thoughts of Cas and his innocence, the way his eyes would shine when he smiled, how good he looked in his football uniform, how hot he was when he was sweaty after a game, how he would sometimes say the smartest things without realizing, how sweet and gentle he always was towards Dean and the sound he made as he sucked him off. 

The tears blended together with the water from the showerhead raining down on him as he came, his semen running down the drain. It was ugly, he was pathetic and he was ruined, his dad would tell how he didn’t deserve the kindness and patience that Castiel showed him.

  

Dean had planned on sleeping in Crowley’s bed that night, but when he came out of the bathroom and Castiel lay there, on his bed, fast asleep, breathing steady in and out. He couldn’t withstand. He tucked himself against him, back to chest and wrapped Castiel’s arms around him intertwining their fingers. Sleep reached him quickly, he felt safe like this and that night he didn’t suffer from nightmares. He dreamt of bus rides, summer swims in the cold lake and of big old oak trees, a childhood he wanted to run back and hide in, stay forever young with Castiel as his companion, no worries just eternal sunshine.


	6. America Needs You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again a short chapter, but fear not a longer one is on its way :)

_My college years went away fast ‘cause I played so much football. They even put me on this team called the All-America team where I got to meet the president of the United States. The president has a real nice house, room enough for a lot of people. Now, the best thing about meeting the leader of our nation is the food. They had a long, like really long, table with food and we were told to eat what we wanted and how much we wanted. They had this silver tray with a stack of cheeseburgers on and since I was hungry and they were free, I must’ve eaten at least seven and washed them down with an equal amount of Dr. Peppers._

All the members were lined up and one by one they went to shake hands with President Kennedy on national TV. He asked them all the same question, “Congratulations. How does it feel to be an All-American?” Each and everyone answered with the same thing, “Very good, sir.” Then they politely nodded and stepped away, but Castiel had never been normal. 

Yes, Castiel had manners Gabriel had raised a gentleman. What Castiel didn’t own was a sense of occasion; he didn’t know when a certain thing wouldn’t be appropriate. Castiel was switching his weight from one leg to the other; to everybody he just seemed nervous. When it was his time to shake hands with Kennedy and the president asked the same question what came out of Castiel’s mouth was an almost whispered “I need to pee. 

Kennedy turned to the crowd and to the camera; he was smiling and as he spoke that smile turned into a heartfelt laugh. “I believe he said he needed to pee.” The others laughed along with him as Castiel shyly walked on, a kind waiter showed him to the nearest restroom.

_Sometime later, someone shot that young nice president when he was ridin’ through the streets in his car. A few years after that, someone shot his little brother, only he was in a hotel kitchen._

_Now do you believe it? After just five years of playing football I got myself a college degree. Gabriel was so proud._

The football field had been filled with row after row of small plastic chairs, in the front sat all the graduates in a sea of red capes and behind them sat family and friends. The valedictorian had held a long speech about their futures, dreams and ambitions, the same old speech as every year. They applauded as the platinum-blonde rich looking kid stepped down from the wooden stage that had been set up for todays occasion. 

The dean went on and started calling up names, after alphabetical order they walked up to the stage, shook hands with the dean and got handed their diploma. When they were at the letter N Castiel knew he had to get ready. After three boys and four girls had been up got their diploma and walked down again the dean called out, “Castiel Novak.” His steps were cautious, he was nervous and he didn’t want to slip and fall. The dean handed him the white rolled-up paper with the little red bow and shook his hand, his smile were nice and Castiel found it relaxed him, it seemed the dean believed in him. Castiel cast a glance out at the large crowd, he couldn’t spot Gabriel, but he knew he was there. 

Gabriel would deny it to the day he died, but he shed a tear that day. Seeing his little brother receiving his college degree, a degree Gabriel never got for himself. He had always had to take care of Castiel and he knew he had done a great job at raising the boy. Despite what the world kept telling him, that he was stupid, slow, dumb, Castiel never, not even once gave up. Gabriel knew his brother wasn’t a smart boy, but he was clever in his own way and he would go somewhere in life, if not with brains then with kindness.

After the ceremony everybody went over to the big park area in the middle of campus, it was a big circus trying to find each other in the large clusters of people. Castiel found Gabriel standing under a blossoming cherry tree. The hug was tight and bruising, Castiel had trouble breathing as Gabriel squeezed him hard. Gabriel had slicked his brown hair back and was wearing brown slacks, a white shirt with a brown suit jacket over and his black shoes had been polished to the perfect shine, Castiel could almost see himself when he looked down at them. 

“I’m so proud of you Castiel,” Gabriel sniffed. “Mom and dad are proud too, I can promise you that.” Gabriel hugged him one more time before letting him go. People were slowly leaving the area, walking to their cars and driving away to celebrate. “Here, let me hold that for you.” Gabriel said and took the diploma from Castiel and looked it over. 

A man walked up behind them, he slapped Castiel on the shoulder twice saying, “Congratulation son, have you given any thought to your future?” Castiel looked up at the taller and older man wearing a dark green formal military uniform. He handed Castiel a blue pamphlet before walking away again in a confident stride.  

Castiel looked down at the drawing of uncle Sam in his hands pointing at him, over the drawing read in bolt white letters: ‘EXCELLENT CAREERS FOR EXCELLENT YOUNG MEN. Apply now at your local U.S. Army Recruiting Center. Castiel looked confused at the piece of paper then at Gabriel and down again. “My future?”


	7. Welcome to the Army Kid

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here you go :) I wasn't as happy with this chapter as I've been with some of my other ones, but I don't know what you think...

It was a rainy day, the water was pouring from the sky in big fat drops. Castiel was already quite wet by the time he reached his bus. He ran a hand through his soaked unruly hair and shook some water off of his brown leather suitcase. He was too tall for the bus and had to bend his head slightly to fit. He smiled to the driver, “Hello, my name is Castiel, Castiel Novak.” He introduced himself politely. 

“Nobody gives a rat’s ass who you are! Here you’re nobody, you are nothing more crap-eating fly! Do you understand? Now get your retarded ass parked so I can drive my bus! Welcome to the army kid!” The chauffeur yelled him right in the face, spit flying in the short distance. 

This bus ride reminded him frightening much of his first day of school and the bus ride then. It was row after row of young men and as Castiel make his way up the middle everybody looked at him and said, “This seat’s taken.” 

Castiel almost thought he had made a great mistake since it was only his induction day and he had already been yelled at and no one seemed particular friendly. Then to his left a guy looked up at him and removed his case from the seat. “You can sit here… If you want to.” 

Castiel nodded and sat down on the offered seat, “Thank you.” The guy was on the smaller side, shorter and thinner than Castiel. His hair was short and blonde and he had turquoise colored eyes. He looked almost too young to be on his way to join the army. He handed Castiel a handkerchief to dry off his dripping face and Castiel accepted it with a thankful nod. 

“Have you ever been on a real shrimp boat?” He asked out of the blue. 

The question seemed more or less random and Castiel had no idea how to react or how to answer. “No, but I was once on a really big boat?” His answer sounded like a question by the hesitation in his voice. 

The guy smiled at him, that kind of bright smiles that not only reach the eyes, but the kind that looks like it stretches all the way from ear to ear. “I was talkin’ ‘bout a real shrimp catchin’ boat,” He explained before he continued engulfed in his own story. “I’ve been workin’ on shrimp boats y whole life. When I was ‘round seven I started to sail out with my uncle’s boat. That’s my mother’s brother. I was just lookin’ in to buyin’ my very own boat down in Bayou La Batre when I got drafted. My name’s Samandriel Alfred Green, but everybody calls me Alfie.” He held out his hand for Castiel to take. 

“Castiel, Castiel Novak.” He said as he shook Alfie’s hand. 

“Now you may wonder why me, a white guy, would be living in Bayou La Batre.” Alfie said and he looked more than ready to tell another story, Alfie was a talker. 

“No not really…” Castiel stated not really understanding. 

_So Alfie was from Bayou La Batre, Alabama, which, apparently, was a primarily black neighborhood, that’s why it was seemingly strange for Alfie to be living there. Alfie’s momma or adoptive mom cooked shrimps and her mother before that and her mother before that; the whole family had always been working with shrimps. So Alfie’s momma worked as a cook for this rich white woman who’s husband was always travelling, now this young lady had gotten herself pregnant and couldn’t keep the baby or something. That’s how Alfie got his mom. Alfie was gonna work with shrimps when he got home again just like everyone in his family, now Alfie knew everything there was to know about shrimps._

 

_Now, for some reason, I fit into the army like a hand fits into a glove. It wasn’t really that hard; you just remember to make your bed real neat every morning and to stand up real straight. Oh, and you have to remember to answer everything with “Yes, Drill Sergeant.”_

The strict routines seemed to fit Castiel real nice, everything said to him were direct orders and there was nothing to misunderstand. When he was told to eat he ate, when he was told to walk he did and when he was giving an assignment he made sure he did as well as he could. 

One day they were all sat on a long row on the floor at the end of the bunk beds, they had a wooden box as a table and they were told to assemble their riffles. Behind him Alfie was working slow while he was talking, telling another thing about shrimps to Castiel. Though, Castiel wasn’t really listening, he had been given an order and he assembled that weapon like he had the devil on his tail. 

Alfie’s southern drawl was the only thing sounded in the room other than the clicks of pieces being put into place. “You just drag your nets across the bottom. On a good day you can catch up to ‘round a hundred pounds of shrimps. Now, if everything goes well and you have two guys shrimpen’ for ten hours you can…” 

Alfie was interrupted when Castiel clicked the last piece into place, “Done, Drill Sergeant.” He shouted. It earned him a few looks from the others down the row. 

The Sergeant was at his side almost instantly and looked the riffle over in wonder, “Why did you put this weapon together so fast, Novak?” He asked. 

“Because you told me to, Drill Sergeant.” Castiel answered looking straight forward and not and the man standing by his side. 

The Sergeant looked at his stopwatch and the look on his face was one of astonishment. “Jesus Christ! That’s a new record, Novak. If it wouldn’t be such a waste of such a fine enlisted man, I would recommend you for O.C.S. You’re going to be a General one-day, Private Novak. Now disassemble your weapon and start over.” His tone showed he was impressed by Castiel’s work. 

As Castiel started taking apart his riffle Alfie continued talking like he hadn’t just been interrupted. “  Anyway, like I was sayin', shrimp is the fruit of the sea. You can barbecue it, boil it, broil it, bake it, sauté it. There’s shrimp kabobs, shrimp creole, shrimp gumbo, pan-fried, deep-fried, stir-fried. There's pineapple shrimp, shrimp, coconut shrimp, pepper shrimp, shrimp soup, shrimp stew, shrimp salad, shrimp and potatoes, shrimp burger, shrimp sandwich... that's about it.” It was all Alfie talked about all day, but it never once bothered Castiel. As long as Alfie talked Castiel didn’t have to and he could just listen to another person tell their story. 

 

Castiel slept in the top bunk with Alfie in the bunk to his right. Night time in the army was quiet and lonely, Castiel would lay there looking up at the ceiling and think about Gabriel and Dean. He would think about what Gabriel was doing, who was living at the house right now and he would think of Dean and wonder how he was. According to what Castiel knew, Dean was still in college. 

The guy in the bunk to his left turned towards him and threw a magazine at Castiel. Castiel picked the magazine from where it had landed on his thigh. “Hey Novak, check out the tits on her.” He whispered between the gaps of their beds and then turning back around, his back to Castiel.

Castiel picked up the magazine, clearly a porn mag, he was slightly confused as to why he should look at it no one ever really talked to him other than Alfie let alone giving him their stuff. The girl on the page it was flipped open at was wearing next to nothing. Castiel wasn’t interested in girls, it was widely normal to like both genders, but Castiel was only interested in one person. Castiel turned a few pages till he got to the section with pictures of boys, the page read at the top corner ‘boys of the south’ and the face staring at him was a familiar one. 

_It turns out Dean had gotten in trouble over some photos taken of him in his college jacket and nothing else. He was kicked out of school, but that wasn’t a bad thing. A man who owned a theater in Memphis, Tennessee, saw the pictures and offered Dean a job singing on his stage. His dream had come true; he had become a folk singer. So of course first chance I got, I took the bus to go see him perform._

The owner of the theater walked out on stage holding a microphone as the audience applauded the artist who had just performed. “Give him a big hand, thank you. Now I’ve got a little treat for both your ears as well as your eyes. Give a warm welcome to our very own beatnik beauty Johnnie Fogarty.” The man stepped out to the side of the stage as the crowd clapped again. A single barstool was brought out on stage and placed in the center.

  

Castiel walked into the place as the performer walked of and the emcee took the stage. There was a poster by the door with cut out pictures of the musicians, dancers and singers. He found Dean’s picture, but it wasn’t Dean’s name that was written under it, it was Johnnie Fogarty. Castiel reacted and looked to the stage when he heard the man say that name. By the stage were several round tables all occupied by various men all with a drink or a simple beer in front of them. Castiel stood at the aisle running down the middle from the bar to the stage.

The stage was a reddish wooden floor, the red curtain hung at the sides and in the middle of it all stood a simple black chair matching the ones of the bar. From the right side of the stage Castiel watched Dean walked on stage and sit down on the stool. He was nude, his naked skin glowing from the pinkish light shining down on him. A light brown acoustic guitar was covering his more private parts. 

Dean started strumming on the guitar and then he started singing, “Someone's always coming around here, trailing some new kill. Says I've seen your picture on a hundred dollar bill. And what's a game of chance to you, to him is one of real skill. So glad to meet you Angeles.” His voice was smooth like a sixty-year-old bottle of scotch, but also rough and smoky. He had that unique voice where you could hear the evidence of a hard life having being lived. 

A man from somewhere in the first row shouted, “Loose the guitar, boy!” Another man joined in, “Yeah, give us something nice to look at won’t you?” It was said with an evil sneer. 

You could see it on his face, how he tried not to be bothered by the shouting and Dean just continued with his song. “Picking up the ticket shows, there's money to be made. Go on and lose the gamble, that's the history of the trade. And you add up all the cards left to play to zero. And sign up with evil Ange…” By the end of his second verse the crowd wouldn’t stop shouting and Dean lost his concentration when one of the guy reached up on stage and threw some dollar bills at Dean’s feet. He kicked the guy’s hand away and that made it worse. The obviously drunk man got aggressive and smacked Dean’s foot getting ready to crawl up on stage. 

“Hey dude! I’m singing a song here!” Dean shouted clearly getting frustrated. 

Once again Castiel’s instincts kicked in, in his uniform he jumped on the stage, grabbed the guy by the collar end threw him of the stage with a right hook to the jaw and he fell and smashed one of the round wooden tables. Before any of the other guys had time to act Castiel had grabbed Dean and carried him bridal style of the stage. 

As soon as they were out of sight Dean wrestled himself out of his arms. “Cas let me go! What are you doing?” Dean sounded angry and by the look on his face he were.

“I’m saving you Dean.” Castiel looked sincere when he answered and Dean couldn’t help but take pity on the guy, all he ever did was what he thought was the right thing to do. 

“Let me just grab a rope or something and then we’ll talk, okay?” Dean made sure Castiel nodded his understanding before he search for something to throw on. He grabbed a cream-colored long trench coat and closed it around his naked form before going out the backdoor with Castiel right behind him. 

They walked outside awhile in silence till the reached a bridge stretching over a brisk river. The night were almost pitch black the only light being the moon and the few lamppost placed along the road. From where they stood they could see the pink neon sign on the theater’s wall. 

Dean looked at Castiel, silently admiring him in his uniform. Castiel always stood a bit straighter when Dean looked at him. “You have to stop doing this, Cas. You have to stop tryin’ to save me all the time.” I’m not worth it. He what just about to say it, but thought better of it, better keep it simple for Castiel to follow. 

“I can’t help it. I love you Dean.” The words spoken were soft and filled with a love pure and sincere, a love that didn’t belong to Dean. 

“You don’t know what love is.” Dean said quietly turning and resting his body over the short concrete wall looking down into the river running below them. “Remember that time we prayed Cas? We prayed for God to make me an angel so I could fly far, far away.” 

“Yes, I do.” Castiel answered. 

“You think I could fly of this bridge?” Dean stretched up on his toes leaning dangerously over the only thing between him and a fall into ice-cold water and big rocks. 

“What do you mean Dean?” Castiel had taken a step closer to Dean afraid of what he would do. 

“Nothing,” Dean whispered and turned back around to look at Castiel. He wasn’t in total control of his body his hands acted on their own when they ran down Castiel’s chest feeling the muscle that was building underneath the fabric. “You sure have become quite strong, I bet the military make you train day and night.” Dean smiled up at him as he straightened his collar. “You sure do look handsome in that uniform.” Dean noticed Castiel’s Adam’s apple bob up and down as he swallowed nervously when Dean tucked him a bit closer. 

He couldn’t stop his own body. He looked into Castiel’s eyes and saw the nervousness shining in the deep dark dangerous sea of blue. He stood on his toes and shut his eyes tight when he sealed their lips together. Castiel was inexperienced, it wasn’t a secret, but he let Dean guide him and copied his every move. Dean deepened the kiss and Castiel followed, Dean licked across his lips and he parted them like he was silently being asked to do, he followed every movement of Dean’s tongue and when Dean bit slightly down on his bottom lip Castiel did the same seconds later. 

Castiel had his hands on Dean’s hips while Dean had his own hands buried in Castiel’s black short military cut hair. He was holding on for dear life, he never wanted to let go. But he had to, with Dean came trouble and Castiel was not his to keep around for a first class seat when everything went to hell and it was bound to do. Dean was never the lucky one. He felt it bubbling under his skin as they kissed, the ‘let’s screw the world and be together just the two of us’ but again Castiel wasn’t Dean’s to keep, there was so many boys, even girls, out there that could give Cas what he really needed and not what he thought he wanted. “I gotta get out of here,” Dean said on an exhale as he let go of Castiel. He saw the white lights of a vehicle approaching and stepped out on the road waving the truck to a halt. “Hey can I get a ride?” The truck driver asked something, but Castiel couldn’t hear from where he stood. “I don’t care. I just need to get away.” 

Castiel felt the sadness of realizing Dean was leaving again and he hadn’t even said what he needed to tell him. He fiddled with the roots of his nails as he spoke, “Bye then, Dean.” Dean looked over at him as he walked to the passenger side of the truck. “They’re sending me to Vietnam.” 

Dean stopped dead in his tracks, looking at Castiel looking for a sign that he didn’t mean what he just said. They couldn’t be sending him overseas, they couldn’t. There was no trace of it being a joke, Dean held up a hand signaling to the driver to wait for a minute as he went to Castiel and threw his arms around his neck. “Listen, you promise me something okay?” He said into his ear and then pulled away to look him square in the eyes. “Don’t try to be brave Cas, if you ever end up in trouble just run okay? Can you do that for me? Just run Cas.” Castiel nodded carefully and Dean gave him one last quick peck on the lips before jumping into the truck and just like that Dean disappeared again.

  

Castiel had gotten home to say his goodbyes with Gabriel before he was leaving. The house was as lively as always and after a good and familiar home cooked meal they sat together on a log by the lake watching the sun go down over the horizon. Gabriel placed an arm around Castiel’s shoulders and hugged him close to his side. “You come home to me, you hear? You come home in one piece, promise me to keep yourself safe out there.”


	8. I Want to Go Home

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's another chapter for you guys ^_^ I know I'm updating really fast right now, but it's still summer vacation so I've got the time :) On Wednesday school starts again and the updates will not come as quick therefore I'm trying to get a lot out for you while I can. Other than that I accepted an abandoned prompt on Destiel Forever and my deadline is September 16th so I will have to work a lot on that too :)
> 
> Oh, and I may just have to warn you here... There's death in this chapter... Now you know... Enjoy ^_^

The rotating blades on the roof of the helicopter made it impossible to even hear your own thoughts. When it was close to the ground a small group of soldiers including Castiel and Alfie jumped to the ground making sure to keep their heads down. 

The grass field was flat and the grass was short from being tread on too much. The camp was filled with tents, picnic tables, grills, wooden planks had been laid out like a path running through it all and in the furthest corner was what looked like a toilet building build out of wood. All the around the place soldiers were milling around, playing cards, listening to music, eating, talking and laughing, it didn’t seem all that war-ish it was more like a bigger and warmer summer camp. Not far from the camp was a lake stretching so far you couldn’t quite see where it ended, but it was narrow and you could see right across to the bank on the other side. 

Alfie and Castiel was to report at the officers tent and get introduced and settled in, they found it easily since it was one of the biggest ones. On their way to the tent Alfie was saying something about shrimps, who would have guessed… Castiel was too preoccupied with taking in his new surroundings to really be listening. They reached the tent when shirtless suntanned guy stepped out from the opening, his hair was dirty blonde and his eyes were grey and when he talked you could hear the remnants of an British accent he had clearly tried to get rid of. The guy gave them a once over from head to toe, “You must be my new recruits.” The cigarette he had hanging from his lips hopped slightly up and down as he spoke. 

“Yes, sir.” They said simultaneously as they saluted him. 

“Get your hands down!” The guy hissed out through his teeth and took the smoke out of his hands and held it between two fingers. “At no time are you allowed to salute me. There are goddamn snipers everywhere out here, just waiting to get to kill an officer. I’m Balthazar Knight, that’s lieutenant Zar to you. Welcome to fourth platoon.” Lieutenant Zar looked at Alfie again, “How did you get into the army, you’re as big as a match, I could snap you in two with one hand.” 

Alfie looked self-consciously down at himself, “I’ve always been a bit smaller, I was born prematurely.” He shrugged and looked back up at Zar. 

“Well, just try to stay alive okay?” Alfie nodded. “So where are you boys from?” 

“Alabama, sir.” They answered at the same time, lieutenant Zar gave them a weird look, but shrugged it of. 

“Look,” He started and began walking down one of the paths. “Things here are pretty basic. You stick with me and you learn from the guys who’ve been in the country for a while.” He stopped and turned around to look them square in the eyes pointing a stern finger at them. “There is one piece of equipment that can be the difference between life and death. Socks. Try to keep your feet dry when we’re out patrolling. I want you two to make sure to always chance your socks whenever we take a break, am I understood?” They both nodded. 

_Now, they told us before we left for Vietnam that it would be very different from the states, except from all the beer cans and barbeque it was. I felt really lucky to have lieutenant Zar as my lieutenant, he sure knew his stuff. He came from a long line of soldiers; his family had a great military tradition. Someone from his family had fought and died in battle in every American war. All the way back to 1778 in the revolutionary war then in the civil war and till world war II and now it was lieutenant Zar’s turn. His mother was from England and even her family was a great military one too. You could say he had a lot to live up to._

Zar stopped at one of the doors at the latrines and turned to them again, “So you boys are from Arkansas huh? Well, I've been through there. Little Rock's a fine town. Now, go shake down your gear, see the platoon sergeant, and draw what you need for the field. If you boys are hungry, we got steaks burning right here. Two standing orders in this platoon: one, take good care of your feet, two, try not to do anything stupid, like getting' yourself killed.” He grabbed a roll of toilet paper and closed the door behind him, casting one last look at Alfie and Castiel before sitting down, out of sight. 

_I got to see a lot of the countryside when we went on these long walks. It wasn’t always fun, we would be walking down these dirt roads, but the dirt here was actually red. Well, lieutenant Zar would get these funny feelings about a rock or a trail or even a twig. Then he’d tell us to get down and to shut up. So we did._

_I know I don’t know much about a lot of things, but I would guess some of the finest and brightest young men served in this war. There was Dallas from Phoenix, Cleveland he was from Detroit. And then there was Tex, well I don’t really remember where Tex was from…_

_Lieutenant Zar’s funny feelings most of the times turned out to be nothing, so we would continue walking. The good thing about Vietnam, there was always somewhere to go and something to do. One day we were walking through this rice paddy, water all the way to our chests, Alfie with water up to his neck. That day it started raining and it turned out it would keep on raining for months. We’ve been through every kind of rain there is, little bitty stingin’ rain, big ol’ fat rain and rain that flew sideways. Sometimes it even seemed like the rain would come straight up from underneath. It even rained at night, luckily Alfie was really clever and he made sure we slept leaned up against each other back to back, that way none of us had to sleep with our head in the mud._

They were somewhere in the middle of nowhere when they decided to set camp and get some rest. It was a little clearing surrounded by trees and because of the rain they sat in wet, deep, black mud. Despite their height difference the two of them made leaning up against one another work. Castiel had just closed his eyes when Alfie started talking. “You know why we’re a good partnership Castiel?” Castiel stayed silent. “Like brothers and stuff. Hey Castiel, there's somethin' I've been thinkin' about. I got a very important question to ask you. How would you like to go into the shrimpin' business with me?” 

Castiel turned his head to the side even though he couldn’t see Alfie, “Okay.” He answered, he really couldn’t see why not.

“Man, I tell you, I got it all figured out. So many pounds of shrimp to pay off the boat, so many pounds for gas, we can just live right on the boat. We ain't got to pay no rent.” Alfie was checking every thing of a mental list he had made in his head. “I'll be the captain, but we’ll split everything right down the middle. Man, I'm tellin' you, fifty-fifty. And you can get all the shrimps you can eat.” His smile was evident in his voice and the excitement he was talking with. 

_Alfie really did have a good idea._

_I remembered to write to Dean like I said I would and I would tell him about the boat, Alfie and the things we saw. I sent him letters, but not every day. I tried to write whenever I had the chance and the time, I told him what we were doing and asked him what he was doing. I would tell him that I thought about him and that I looked forward to getting a letter from him whenever he had the time to write one. I would always let him know that I was okay and then I would sign each letter; ‘Love, Cas’. That’s what Dean always called me._

_Then one day when we were out walking the rain would suddenly stop and the sun would come out._

The sun shone down on Castiel making his eyes sparkle and getting the blue color of the clear water on the beach on a Caribbean island. The sun hadn’t been able to shine through the water and therefore the group hadn’t seen it in months. It was a beautiful sight, but Castiel soon had to cover his eyes with a hand on his forehead. Fourth platoon stood there in the middle of a field close to the tree line of a forest and they just stood, all eyes on the blue of a sky that had been grey and dark for weeks on end. The sound of birds singing was heard in the silent and then out of nowhere a single shot sounded and the soldier standing closest to Castiel dropped to the ground with a thud and rustle of grass from then it was chaos. 

The air was filled with the sound of gunshots and rockets, but over the noise Castiel and the others could hear lieutenant Zar screaming for them to take cover. Along the red dirt road ran a ditch and everybody sought cover in it. Everybody lay against the still wet dirt; to Castiel’s left lieutenant Zar was calling another group with a warning and a call for help. To his right two soldiers were busy setting up the machinegun, but before they could fire the first shot a rocket explodes on them and they both lie dead. Castiel fumbles with his gun, in the heat of the moment it seems so hard to focus. He shoots towards the jungle, but is unable to see any soldiers there and therefore also don’t know if he has actually hit someone. 

Everywhere around him soldier after soldier falls to the ground, the wounded are dragged into the tree line for cover by some of the medics. It’s clear to Zar that this is a fight they can’t win and he need to think about his men’s safety first. “Ah, Jesus! My unit is down hard and hurting! 6 pulling back to the blue line, Leg Lima 6 out! Pull back! Pull back!” Every soldier still able to walk ran towards the jungle, scattered to the four winds. 

Somewhere over the loud sounds of machineguns and the roaring engines of nearing aircrafts Castiel hears Alfie shouting at him, “Run Castiel, Castiel run.” 

_I ran and ran, just like Dean told me to do. I ran son far and so fast that before long I found that I was all alone, which is a very bad thing. I shouted for Alfie, but he didn’t answer. Alfie was one of my best friends I couldn’t leave him; I had to make sure he was okay. So I ran back and on my way back to find Alfie I found this boy laying on the ground, it turned out to be Tex. Now, he was in pain I could see that and I just couldn’t leave him there like that, scared and all by himself. I picked him up and carried him on my shoulder as I ran back to the small clearing by the lake I had stopped at before._

_Every time I ran back to look for Alfie another guy was lying on the ground saying, “Help me Castiel, please help me.” So I took the second guy back to where I had put Tex and then ran of into the jungle again. The airplanes had begun to drop rockets and I had to be careful. This time I found a guy lying on his stomach. Now, I had to turn him around to see if it was Alfie, but it was Dallas and apparently he couldn’t hear a word I said. I took him back to the others and the second guy tried to calm him down._

_By that time, I was getting scared that I would never find Alfie. Running back into the jungle I heard a familiar voice shouting, I knew that voice and I followed it and found lieutenant Zar on the ground still yelling through the phone, he had some nasty wounds on his legs. I swung him over my shoulder, but he didn’t seem happy about me trying to save him. We were almost back out of the tree line when something jumped up and bit me._

Castiel fell to the ground and so did Zar along with him. Castiel was quick to get on his feet again and picked up lieutenant Zar again who was shooting at an enemy they couldn’t see. He yelled at Castiel as he carried him back to the others, “You dink son-of-a-bitch! I can't leave the platoon! I told you to leave me there, Novak. Forget about me. Get yourself out! Did you hear what I said! Goddammit put me down! Get your ass out of here!” Castiel wasn’t listening and just dropped him to the ground beside Dallas and turned to run back into the trees. “Where the hell do you think you’re going?” He was angry, that was for sure. 

Castiel only turned his head to shout back his answer as he picked up the pace. “To get Alfie.” And then he was gone again. 

“Dammit Novak! You stay here! I’ve got an airstrike inbound, they’re gonna nape the whole area! Novak!” But by then Castiel was already out of earshot.

  

“Alfie!” Castiel shouted out one more time, looking around him and that’s when he heard it. 

The voice was small and hoarse, almost impossible to hear, but Castiel did. “Castiel?” 

Castiel moved towards the voice and looked around on the ground, near a tree he found Alfie lying in the dirt. He looked so small between the trees and the shrubbery. He was holding a frond over his stomach. Castiel sank down to his knees carefully, slowly and gently lifting up the leaf to look at what Alfie was hiding. The wound was big, red with blood and black from burns. “Oh Alfie, no…” 

“It’s okay Castiel, I’m gonna be alright.” He sounded like he didn’t believe that himself and his face showed the obvious sadness of the situation. 

Castiel heard the noise from lieutenant Zar’s airplanes and knew that their time was running short. Since Alfie was both smaller in height and build it meant he wasn’t heavy for Castiel to bear. They reached the lake as the jungle behind them were bombed and went up in flames; they only narrowly escaped from it all. 

Castiel sat down on the grass with Alfie leaning against him in his arms; he was looking into his grey eyes seemingly becoming more and more vacant. A rescue helicopter was on its way according to Zar, but Alfie wouldn’t live to see it. 

_If I’d known this was the last time I was gonna get to talk to Alfie, I would’ve thought of something better to say._

Lost for words, not knowing what to say all Castiel came up with was, “Hey, Alfie…” 

“Hey Casti-el,” Alfie’s voice broke on his name, but he was trying to smile reassuringly at his friend. “Castiel, why’d this happen?” Alfie couldn’t focus on Castiel’s face any longer, things were getting blurrier a darkness was pushing at the edges of his eyes, but he fought all he could to not let it consume him. 

“You got shot.” 

_Then Alfie said something I will never forget._

“I wanna go home,” Alfie locked eyes with Castiel and a single tear ran down his cheek. 

Once Alfie’s eyes had lit up whenever he talked about shrimping or about his family, now all signs of life had left them. Castiel ran a hand over them to make them shut and then he hugged him to his body in a tight grip as sobs started raking through his body. 

_Alfie was my best good friend. And even I know that ain't something you can find just around the corner. Alfie was gonna be a shrimpin' boat captain, but instead he died right there by the water in Vietnam._


	9. Return to Sender

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay finally have a new chapter ready, though it's not a long one...   
> As mentioned before I'm currently trying to write another fanfic with a deadline, but I don't want to just abandon this story for a whole month, so I'm really trying to do both :)

“It was a bullet wasn’t it?” On the bench beside Castiel sat now a man in his early sixties. His hair was white and thin with a bald patch. His smile was hearty, sincere and warm. He was looking expectantly at Castiel. 

“What was?” Castiel asked him confused. 

“That jumped up and bit you. It was a bullet right?” The man’s eyes showed honest interest in the story being told. 

“Oh, yes sir. Bit me directly in the buttocks. They said it was a million dollar wound, but the army must have kept the money ‘cause I’ve never seen even a nickel of it.” Castiel explained and the man smiled at him clearly amused, by what Castiel couldn’t really say. “Now, the best thing about being shot right in the butt is the ice-cream. They gave me all the ice-cream I could eat and guess what, one of my best friends was in the bed right beside mine.”

 

[ ](http://s300.photobucket.com/user/Cecilie_Stenner_Rasmussen/media/Skaeligrmbillede%202015-07-08%20kl.%2022.25.35_zpsdw4fci2p.png.html)

 

Castiel was lying on his stomach on the bed, his bandaged behind sticking up in the air because of the pillow he were propped up on. He was eating an ice-cream cone as the nurse was wheeling him back to his space. He held his hand and the extra cone out to lieutenant Zar lying in the bed next to his. “Lieutenant Zar, I got you some ice-cream.” He didn’t seem to hear him, so Castiel stretched a bit further towards him. “Lieutenant Zar, ice-cream.” He said it like a mother would say to a pouting child. Annoyed Zar took the offered cone and without so much as looking at Castiel he drops it right into his bedpan. 

Zar had not been very talkative since they arrived at the hospital. Both his legs had been amputated and it had changed him. At least he didn’t shout at the nurses anymore when they came to give him his bath. He always had to be carried over to another bed with wheels by a male nurse and it was obvious his pride had taken the biggest hit. 

When lieutenant Zar had been carried away that day Castiel lay on his stomach eating his ice cream peacefully. An officer was yelling out last names and delivering mail, Castiel didn’t react at first when Novak was called. The second time he turned his head and waved a hand in the air as best as he could from his position, “I’m Novak.” 

The officer noticed him and went to his bed dropping a large stack of letters beside him. Castiel picked one of the envelopes up from the pile, on it and every single letter stood: “Undeliverable as addressed. No forwarding order on file.” Beneath it was Dean’s address where he apparently didn’t live anymore and apparently Bobby wasn’t there to collect and forward the letters either. Every letter Castiel had sent Dean while in the field was unopened, unread and returned to sender. Castiel tucked them safely under his pillow.

  

When Castiel was able to walk and sit again he spent most of his time in the common room. He liked to sit in an armchair, butt propped up on a pillow, listening to the TV beside him and watching all the other soldiers. Some had lost limbs, some had been shot, each and everyone had been hurt in one way or another. 

The TV was tuned to the American forces Vietnam network on channel 6 and apparently not everybody appreciated the boring programs. “Novak! How can you watch that stupid shit? Turn it of!” He reached over and hit the off button. The soldiers yelling was good naturedly and not angry. He was one of the young guys, only in his early twenties. He had short dark brown hair and almond eyes. He was mostly kind to Castiel, but liked to tease him. He had lost his left hand, but that didn’t stop him from playing Ping-Pong every day with his right. 

The guy playing opposite him had an eye patch that he unfortunately hadn’t quite gotten used to yet. It was an accident when he hit the ball the wrong way and it went over the side of the table hitting Castiel right in the neck. 

Castiel picked up the little light white plastic ball from where it had landed on the floor and went over to the table with it to hand it back. The one-handed soldier took it with a smile, “Have you played before?” Castiel shook his head. “Then let me show you.” He showed Castiel how to hold the bat and a quick run-through of the rules before handing the ball to Castiel. He served and the ball went over the net and so they went back and forth. 

_For some reason, Ping-Pong came very natural to me. I started playing all the time, even when I didn’t have anyone to play with. Sometimes they would raise one side of the table so it was like I was playing against a wall. I could juggle two balls at a time and I could do it real quick. Staff and soldier would watch me play in the common room. The hospital’s people said it made me look like a duck in water, whatever that means. Even lieutenant Zar would come watch me once in a while. I played it so much; I even played in my sleep._

 

One night everybody was sleeping except one. Lieutenant Zar was lying on the floor and he wasn’t in the best mood. He grabbed a hold of Castiel’s sleeve and pulled him down onto the floor beside him, which obviously startled him, awake. Castiel was looking at him, confused and a bit offended by the rough waking. Zar pulled Castiel closer by the collar of his pajamas. Then he started yelling. “Now you listen to me Novak,” he was pointing a finger right at Castiel’s face. “Nothing happens accidentally, everything is part of a bigger plan. We all have a destiny. My destiny was to die out there, I should had died on that field with my men.” His voice broke slightly and if you looked close you could see the wetness gathering in his eyes. “But now… Look at me! Look at me dammit!” He gestured down at him self at his angry red thighs and the bandages covering the holes where once his legs were attached. “I’m a cripple! A legless freak! Do you know what it’s like not being able to use your legs? Do you?” 

Castiel felt a bit threatened by Zar’s behavior and tried to shy away from him, but lieutenant Zar wasn’t letting him get away. His voice sounded small when he answered, “Well… yes sir, I do.” Castiel didn’t know how it was like to not have your legs, but he knew the feeling of not being able to actually use them.

  

“You cheated me! I had a destiny and you took it away from me.” It was evident in his voice that he, through the anger, was on the verge of tears. His well-built walls were crashing down around him and Castiel was the only one he could find to blame for his own misery. “I was supposed to die out there in the field. I would have died with honor, but instead you brought me here. You cheated me out of my destiny, you hear me?! This wasn’t supposed to happen to me. I was lieutenant Balthazar Knight.” Then he let go of Castiel and slumped down on the cold tiles. 

Castiel looked at him quizzically, “You’re still lieutenant Zar.” 

Zar got up into a sitting position looking at Castiel with a face almost devoid of emotions, only a tiny glimpse of sadness visible. “What am I gonna do huh? What am I gonna do.” 

That was the first time Castiel saw Zar so distraught, his strong façade crumbled in front of him. That would also be the last time he saw him for a long time.

  

One afternoon Castiel was playing Ping-Pong with himself as usual when an officer approached him. “P.F.C. Novak?” 

Castiel looked to the side noticing the officer and immediately grabbing the ball placing it with the bat on the table and stood to attention as was expected of him. “Yes sir?” 

“As you were” Castiel relaxed in his shoulders and picked up his bat, but then the officer held out an envelope for him. “Son, you’ve been awarded with a medal of honor.” The man looked proudly at him, nodding before walking away again. 

Castiel looked down at the yellowish envelope in his hands. He opened it carefully and pulled out the letter skimming over the text. He laid down the bat again and quickly walked to the area with their beds. He pulled the curtain to the side to Zar’s bed, “Lieutenant Zar, guess what! They want to give me a…” He stopped dead in his tracks when his eyes caught side of the man completely wrapped in plaster and bandages. He stopped the nurse walking past, “Ma’am where’s lieutenant Zar?” 

The nurse looked at the bed and then at Castiel, her eyes showing her empathy and pity with Castiel. “He has been sent home.” She laid a comforting hand on his shoulder seeing the sad face Castiel must have made before leaving to do her duties. 

_Two weeks later I left Vietnam._


	10. I'll Always be Your Boy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 9 is finally here! ^_^  
> I never predicted going back to school would be this hard... But hopefully when I find a routine I will find more time to write :) Unfortunately and fortunately I'm writing on another story for the Destiel Forever group challenge and I have a really tight deadline, so this story will be more or less put on stand by until after sept. 16th

Castiel was to meet a second president. President Lyndon Johnson was an older man, his hair thin and grey at the edges. Most of the time his facial expression was hard and stern, but his smile was warm and familiar, like the way a grandpa would smile at his grandchild. 

Castiel stepped up to the president when it was his turn; the president laid the medal around his neck and shook his hand, his grip was firm, but not crushing. “America owes you a debt of gratitude, son. I understand you were wounded.” His voice sounded questioning. He took a step back and looked Castiel up and down, seemingly not seeing any wounds in front of him. “Where were you hit?” 

Castiel looked down on the ground shyly for a minute before looking back up at Johnson. He took a tentatively step forward and straightened answering, “Right in the buttocks sir.” Apparently all shyness and shame was gone. 

Johnson stared right at him, disbelief written in his wrinkles. Then when Castiel kept looking dead serious he burst into a soft laughter, the kind of laughter that isn’t loud but heartfelt and contagious. “Well, that must be some sight.” The president got closer to whisper jokingly in Castiel’s ear, “I’d like to see that some time.” 

Without a second thought Castiel turned his back to the president and bent down pulling his pants down a bit showing the scar from the bullet on his butt cheek. The whole room roared with laughter. President Johnson turned to the camera laughing, “Goddamn, son.”

  

_After that Gabriel went back to the hotel to lie down and rest, so I went out for a walk to see our nation’s capital._

A woman with wild curls was directing a group of veterans to the rally against the war, when she passed Castiel she looked at him and she looked relieved. “Thank God, we’ve been waiting for you for almost an hour, where have you been?” Castiel looked at her like she was crazy or at least not talking to him… So he turned to take a picture of the Lincoln memorial. “Hey, pictures can wait. Come on, get in line.” He let himself be guided into the line and followed along. 

They stand backstage by a small wooden staircase leading up to stage itself.

_It’s a good thing Gabriel was resting ‘cause the streets were awfully crowded. A lot of people were looking at monuments and stuff and other were very loud and pushy. Because of the many people, no matter where I went I had to stand in line. There was this man up on this stage giving a speech and for some reason he was wearing the American flag as a shirt. He liked to say the F-word, like he said the F-word a lot. F this and F that. And every time he said the F-word the crowd went wild and cheered, yelled and clapped._

_Then all of the sudden this woman with the big walkie-talkie pushed me up on stage to this guy and he asked me about Vietnam. Now, there was only one thing I could say about the war in Vietnam._

Just as Castiel moved to the microphone and started to speak a policeman had snuck in and in that moment pulled out all the cords from the circuit board. The audio went and the crowd started shouting that they couldn’t hear a thing, but Castiel just kept talking Abbie Hoffman, the one with the shirt, standing beside him nodding understandingly at everything he said. 

Just as the crew got all the wires back in place Castiel finished, “And that’s all I have to say about that.” The Washington monument is packed with people, but not a sound can be heard. 

Abbie Hoffman pats Castiel on the shoulder; his big hair is flowing around his head as a wind passes through. “That’s spot on, man. You’re so totally right. What’s your name, man?” 

“My name is Castiel, Castiel Novak.” He answers. 

“Castiel Novak!” A fist is shoved in the air and the crowd erupts in cheers chanting ‘Casti-el! Casti-el!’ 

Castiel is looking down at the many people when suddenly he sees a silhouette somewhere in the middle running toward the edge of the crowd. The shouting of his name from this person is different. “Castiel! Castiel!” The voice is happy and can be heard through the noise. Castiel has missed that voice, that sweet rough baritone. The smile in that voice can be heard even from where he stands on the stage and as the owner of the voice steps into the shallow pool wading through the water towards the stairs Castiel’s suspicion is confirmed. It’s Dean. 

His white loose fitting flax pants, matching shirt with a dark blue pattern along the collar and button plus his dark brown worn leather jacket with fringes at the sleeves was getting wet as the water splashed up around him as he ran. Castiel jumped down from the stage and pressed through the many rows of men and women dressed in the same style as Dean. He stepped into the shining water and felt it seep into his dress shoes and his dark blue uniform pants. 

They ran towards each other the drag of the water making it feel agonizingly like it was in slow motion. When they met in the middle of the basin Dean threw his arms around Castiel’s waist and tucked his head to his chest and inhaled deeply, the scent of Castiel being something he had missed so much along with the comfort of being wrapped up in his arms. Castiel lifted Dean slightly, the tip of his bare feet running along the waters surface as he was spun around once. Castiel was alive! Why was he here? Doesn’t matter, but he is. “God Cas, I missed you so freaking much!” Dean mumbled into the fabric of his jacket his cheek squashed against his firm chest as he gripped him tight. 

Castiel buried his head in Dean’s hair, it had grown and turned darker over the time they had been apart, but it still smelled the same. He had been home from the war for some time, but now he felt truly back home and safe. 

_It was the happiest moment of my life._

_Dean and me were like peas and carrots again. He showed me around and even introduced me to some of his new friends._

Dean takes Castiel to meet up with a group of his friends who are in the activist group called the Hunters. “This is Garth, Rufus, Ellen and Jo.” Dean introduces laying an arm around two young girls one brunette and one blonde. The brunette, Ellen, extends her hand, her smile doesn’t quite reach her eyes making her appear tough, but something about her is warm and homey. The blonde jumps directly into a hug making Castiel stand awkwardly with her around his neck.

The thin scrawny guy claps Dean on the shoulder before shaking Castiel’s hand. “Any friend of Dean’s is a friend of mine.” His smile is genuine and contagious. 

The second guy, Rufus I think, takes Castiel with him into the next room wanting to show him around. Dean stays where he is since he is talking to a man their age; he looks a bit short standing next to Dean, his hair is black and gently combed backwards, his eyes look almost black from where Castiel is standing, strong jaw, pink lips. Even Castiel can see that this guy is attractive but there is something devious about his smile and there is too much confidence in the way he carries himself, how he lifts his cigarette to his lips and the way he look at Dean. 

“This is our headquarters,” Rufus announces pulling Castiel out of his trance, nodding at him to show he’s listening. “We call ourselves hunters because every cause is our hunt. We stand on the side we believe in and we hunt down all the bad. In this case, no offense, we are wanting to stop this stupid war.” He looks at Castiel’s uniform and continues. 

Castiel is being told about the way they spread their message when he hears Dean yell at the guy in front of him. “You are such an asshole!” Which earns him the back of a hand connecting to his face. 

Castiel doesn’t know what they were talking about; all he knows is that no one hurts his Dean. Once again Castiel acts without really thinking. He slams his fist into the guy’s face before grabbing his jacket and slamming him down onto a table. 

“Cas! Castiel stop it!” Dean pleads behind him making Castiel stop before he could punch the guy one more time. 

“He should not be hitting you Dean.” Castiel’s eyes are filled with love and concern. 

The guy is getting back on his feet, grunting and holding a hand over his eye in pain. He yells something after Dean as he’s leading Castiel out of the room and out of the building.

  

It was getting darker outside. They were walking past the Whitehouse illuminated by white spotlights. Behind a group of protesters were walking around with lit candles, it was looking almost magical as the flicker of the flame was the only thing visible in the darkness. Their hands were intertwined as they walked. 

“Crowley doesn’t mean it when he does stuff like that.” Dean said suddenly, voice small and insecure. 

“I would never hurt you, Dean.” Castiel squeezed his hand trying to convey that he meant it. Dean looked at him and smiled, silently saying ‘I know’. “I wanted to be your boyfriend, Dean. I still do.” 

Dean stopped in his tracks, standing still on the sidewalk while Castiel just looked at him. This was his chance to just say ‘fuck it all’ and leave with Cas, be his and he would be treated right. Then why couldn’t he do it? It was like everything in him screamed for him to go with Cas, but something told him he didn’t deserve it. Didn’t deserve Cas and his love. When he looked at Castiel all he saw was pure love and devotion. He cast his eyes to Castiel’s uniform jacket. “That uniform really suits you, Cas. You sure look damn handsome in it.” He tried a small smile and ran a hand over the fabric. It wasn’t the same uniform he had worn last time he saw him at that club. This was more formal, dark blue, soft to the touch. Dean needed a change of subject. “I’m glad I met you here, Cas. I have so much to tell, you won’t believe the things that has been going on…” 

_We walked around all night Dean and me, just talkin’. He told me about all the travellin’ he had been doing while I was overseas. How he discovered ways to expand his mind and how he learned to live in harmony. He made it all the way to California. He kept singin’ finally finding people who would listen. It was one of the best nights of my life; I wished it would never end._

The next morning Dean had his bag packed ready to jump on the bus parked beside them. They were saying goodbye, “I wish you didn’t have to go Dean.” 

“I know Cas, but I can’t stay here. I need to keep going.” He was smiling, but Castiel wasn’t. 

Castiel saw that guy, Crowley, as he moved towards them slightly hesitant as Castiel’s eyes were glued on him. Dean turned to him. “Dean? I know things got a little out of hand… It’s just this war and that lying son of a bitch Johnson!” His anger was just about to overtake, for the first time Castiel noticed the British accent hiding just under the surface of his American one. “I would never hurt you, you know that.” Castiel was just about to shout at him, but Dean pleaded him not to with his eyes. Dean nodded to Crowley telling him to give them a minute. 

Castiel pulled his medal of honor from around his neck placing it in Dean’s palm. “I want you to have this.” 

Dean held the medal to his chest; his eyes getting wet with unshed tears. “Why are you so good to me?” Dean asked. 

“Because you’re my boy, Dean.” Castiel answered simply. His blue eyes were so bright and shining that Dean felt his knees getting weak. 

“I’ll always be your boy Cas.” He threw his arms around Castiel’s neck, giving him a quick peck on the cheek. “I’ll always be yours.” Then he ran to Crowley and together they climbed into the bus. Castiel was left watching Dean wave through the window as they drove away. 

_And just like that, he was gone out of my life again._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feel free to leave a comment and tell me what you think ^_^


	11. Happy New Year

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So after writing my Halloween AU and taking a little break from writing in general, I'M BACK! :D 
> 
> This is just a tiny little chapter, but I still hope you'll enjoy.
> 
> I'm putting my beta to the job of editing this story, so hopefully soon you won't have to live with my bad grammar ^_^

_I thought they were going to send me back to Vietnam, but apparently they decided the best way for me to fight the communists was to play Ping-Pong. I was in this kind of special service, travelling around at the hospitals entertaining and cheering up the wounded soldiers. I even taught them how to play themselves._

_I was so good at Ping-Pong that a few years later they put me on the All American Ping-Pong team. We were the very first Americans to visit the land of China in like a million years or something, quite an honor, some even told us the world peace were in our hands. When I got back home I had become a bit of a celebrity, I was more famous than Captain Kangaroo._

_I got to be on this talk show called the Dick Cavett show and he asked me a bunch of questions about my trip to China and this guy John Lennon, he was a singer or something in England, sat next to me and he seemed really surprised about the things I could tell about the country. A few years later someone shot that nice young man. He was walking home and stopped to sign some autographs and for no reason at all somebody shot him._

_Oh, and guess who I met as I was walking out of the studio. Lieutenant Zar. I think I was happier to see him than he was to see me. It was cold because it was winter and it was slippery so Lieutenant Zar let me push him home because it was safer for him that way, with his wheelchair and all. He told me he lived in a hotel and because he had no legs he spent all his time exercising his arms. I stayed with Lieutenant Zar and celebrated the holidays with him._

Mindless Christmas programs was a buzzing noise from the TV in the background, neither of them really paid it any attention. Zar was nursing a bottle of red wine almost at the bottom. Seemingly out of nowhere he turned to Castiel with a serious expression. “Have you found God yet Novak?” 

Castiel looked at him quizzically and answered in a small hesitant voice, “I didn’t know I was supposed to be looking for him sir.” 

Zar downed the rest of the bottle and wheeled himself to the drawer in the search of a still not drunken bottle of anything he could get his hands on. “God…” Zar almost laughed offended at the mention. “He’s all these cripples can talk about. Down at the V.A. it’s always God this and God that. I sure as hell haven’t found him; if you ask me he abandoned us all a long time ago. He’s nothing more than a distant father figure. It’s all a load of bullshit!” He tossed a bottle at the wall and it splintered into a thousand pieced, insulted that it too was empty. “None of us are going to heaven, God can kiss my crippled ass.” Zar gritted the words through his teeth. He had given up looking for a still full bottle. 

Castiel looked at him surprised about his outburst. “I’m going to heaven Lieutenant Zar.” Gabriel has always told him that he would go to heaven, but how could he go there if Zar said there wasn’t even a heaven to go to. 

Zar looked at him, “Huh? Yeah, well before you go, why don’t you run down to the corner and get me a bottle of gin?”

  

_I spent New Year with Lieutenant Zar too and I told him all about my plans to buy a shrimpin’ boat._

“I gotta buy one when I have the money. I made a promise to Alfie in Vietnam and I’m gonna keep it. As soon as the war was over we were going into the business together and he’d be the captain and I’d be his first mate, but I guess now that he’s dead I’ll have to be the captain.” Castiel spoke proudly about his and Alfie’s plans. 

“Now hear this!” Zar shouted to the room even though nobody at the crowded bar turned their heads to pay them any attention. “Private Novak here is gonna be a shrimp boat Captain.” He laughed mockingly. “I’ll tell you what, the day that happens I’m gonna be there by your side as your first mate.” He laughed once more, he seemingly didn’t have faith that Castiel could do almost everything he sat his mind to. “If you ever become a shrimp boat captain that’s the day I get angel wings.” 

“Zar, what are you complaining about?” A woman with wild dark curls moved up behind them, her friend by her side. They were wearing matching, probably fake, fur coats, big necklaces and big earrings. 

“Who’s your friend?” The other woman had her brown hair in ponytail and she was chewing gum. 

“This is private Castiel Novak, Castiel this is classic Cassie and long-limps Lisa.” Zar introduced and the girls seemed interested for all but two seconds before they turned their attention back to Balthazar. 

Cassie was in deep conversation with Zar telling him how they spent their Christmas, how some guy named Tommy had bought everybody at the bar a turkey sandwich and how much they had missed Zar. Lisa then turned to Castiel who was watching the TV sending live from Times Square. “We were just there,” she exclaimed almost proud. “Don’t you love new years? You get to start all over, everybody gets a second chance.” Her voice was as if she was dreaming of all the things she wanted to do. 

_In the middle of all the celebration and fun I started thinking about Dean, wondering where he was and how he was spending his holiday. I really miss him. I almost didn’t notice the clock striking twelve. Afterwards Cassie and Lisa went with us back to Lieutenant Zar’s room._  

Cassie had climbed into Zar’s lap in the wheelchair pulling her sweater over her head and throwing it away towards a random corner. The room was littered with even more empty bottles than before, new ones had been opened, but Castiel didn’t drink any. A dirty ashtray sat on the coffee table, overflowing with butts all over its surface. 

Lisa was stumping a cigarette in the tray and looking intently as Castiel. She walked with a seducing sway the few steps to the couch and gracefully slipped onto the couch a leg on either side of Castiel’s thighs. Without any further warning she sealed their lips together and forcefully stuck her tongue down his throat. Castiel was so stunned he felt paralyzed, unable to move even the tiniest inch. When Lisa’s hand moved downwards and she cupped Castiel’s crotch his brain went back on track. He pushed her off his lap and onto the floor. He stood up and walked awkwardly over to the wall ashamed an appalled. 

Lisa got to her feet and stared angrily at him, “What are you, stupid or something? What’s your problem? Did you drop your brain in Vietnam?” She sneered. 

The outburst caught Cassie’s attention and she laughed as if it was just a joke and turned to Zar, “Is your friend stupid or something?” 

_Lieutenant Zar got pretty angry after that and he threw them out. There’s something you just can’t change, Lieutenant Zar didn’t liked to be called a cripple just like I didn’t like being called stupid._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feel free to comment your thoughts, it always helps and inspires me a lot ^_^


	12. Goodbye to the Army

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a little quick chapter... Just a little something important for the story, but I promise you there will come some longer ones soon and the next chapter will have some Dean in it ^_^ Be patient there's a lot to be told in this story.

_Only a few months after New Year they invited the Ping-Pong team and myself to visit the white house. So I went, again. And met the president, again. Only this time they didn’t get us rooms in some fancy hotel._

Castiel once again got to meet the president of the United States; at this time it was Nixon sitting in the oval office. Once again Castiel went up on the podium and shook the hand of yet another president. Making polite small talk and answering the questions he was asked. Apparently the president wasn’t satisfied with where they were staying and transferred the whole team to a much nicer hotel. 

_Not long after that president decided he didn’t want to president no more._

Castiel was by himself in the big empty gym hall, playing Ping-Pong with the wall when an officer entered through the door in the farthest corner. The heavy military boots stumped over the wooden floor the sound echoing off the walls, but Castiel didn’t stop playing until he was right beside him. 

“Sergeant Novak!” 

Castiel quickly put his bat down and stood to attention. “Yes, sir!” He saluted. 

“As you were,” the officer ordered and Castiel picked his bat up again. “I have your discharge papers, your time in the army is over son.” 

Castiel looked confused from the officer to the bat and ball in his hands. “Does this mean I can’t play Ping-Pong anymore?” 

“Well, you can’t play for the army anymore.” 

 _And just like that my time in the army was over, so I went home. I went back to Alabama and back home to Gabriel. When I came home, I couldn’t even get through the door. The hallway was filled from floor to ceiling with boxes. Gabriel had had all kinds of visitors while I was away. Apparently everybody wanted me to use their stuff for when I played, a guy even left a check for twenty-five thousand dollars if I just agreed to use his bat, and I did._

_I didn’t stay home for long though, I had made a promise to Alfie and I always keep my promises. So I went down to Bayou La Batre to meet his family._

The neighborhood Alfie had lived in wasn’t wealthy. The houses were old and wooden, moss growing on the walls and grass growing through the cracks on the porch. The yards were filled with scrap metal and trash. Mrs. Green, Alfie’s adoptive mother, was a big lady. Her dark skin a stark contrast to the light blue dress she was wearing. 

Castiel was standing at the edge of the porch in the dirt trail leading from the rusty gate to the chipped white painted house. Mrs. Green was standing on the creaking wooden boards with three boys, supposedly Alfie’s adoptive brothers, snooping behind her. She was looking down at Castiel, the porch making her quite a bit taller. When Castiel had told her about her and Alfie and the plans they had made together that he would now make come true she looked at him like he had just told her the earth was as flat as a pancake. 

“Are you crazy or just plain stupid?” She asked. The boys behind her was whispering and laughing among themselves. 

“Stupid is as stupid does.”

 


	13. Let's Go Shrimpin'

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING!   
> Drugs, alcohol, violence. Dean is in a bad space. It's not exactly rape, but it is not pleasant.  
> This chapter tells a bit of Dean's story, you can easily skip the rest of this chapter when it turns from Cas to Dean if you don't like to read this stuff..
> 
> I'm sorry, I never intended this chapter to get so bad, but I just let my muse pull me along.

After Castiel had visited Alfie’s family he went to visit Alfie himself. It was a large cemetery old mossy stones scattered across the lawn. Newer wooden crosses stood out like a fox in a henhouse. Every one of these crosses would show you the name of a boy who died way too young and in a way too bloody way. 

Castiel found Alfie’s grave easily having gotten directions from his mother. He laid a simple bouquet of yellow flowers down on the lemon green grass. “Hey Alfie, it’s me Castiel.” He started out carefully shifting awkwardly from feet to feet. He wasn’t sure how you were supposed to do this, but he guessed he should just talk as if Alfie was really there. 

“I remember everything we talked about, what I promised you and I got it all figured out. I’m taking the twenty-four thousand, five hundred and sixty-two dollars and forty-seven cents that I’ve got left after I got a haircut, bought this new trench coat and I went out with Gabriel and I bought the bus ticket here and I bought two burgers. Can you believe I got all that money just by saying, ‘When I was in China on the All-American Ping-Pong team, I just loved playing Ping-Pong with my Crowley-Ping-Pong paddle.’ Which wasn’t really true, but Gabriel says a little lies doesn’t hurt nobody. So anyway, I’m using that money on a brand new shrimpin’ boat and gas and all that.” 

_Now, Alfie had told me everything I needed to know about shrimpin’, but you know what I found out? Shrimpin’ ain’t that easy. I didn’t seem to catch more than five shrimps every time I went out on sea, but then this nice old fisherman told me that it was apparently bad luck to have a boat without a name. Well, I could only think of one name, the prettiest name in the whole wide world._

Castiel was carefully painting the black letters onto the white of the boat. He was just finishing the N when a fisherman walked past and then stopped, “You know it’s supposed to be a girl’s name right?” Castiel looked at the man, but he left without another word before Castiel could say anything. He looked at the curly letters reading ‘DEAN’ and he knew that no woman’s name would be any better and could never bring him as much luck as the name of the one he loved the most. 

_Now I hadn’t heard from Dean in a long time, but I thought about him all the time. I just hoped that where ever he was and what ever he was doing that he was happy._

Pink lights flashing. Blue lights flashing. Red lights flashing. A shot of vodka. Two shots of vodka. Loud bass thumping. Unintelligible voices echoing of the walls. A pill, don’t care what it is as long as it keeps the buzz going. Sweaty bodies dancing. People laughing. A white line snorted with a twenty dollar bill. A glass of whiskey. Burning. A hand on the thigh. Warmth. Need more alcohol. Scruff scratching a cheek. Need not to feel. Lips on lips. Tongue forcing entrance. Wrong. Where’s Cas? Wetness. Tears. A hand moving up, up and down into worn dirty jeans. An empty glass. Blackness. Lovely. 

Whenever darkness swallowed his mind he felt at peace. When he couldn’t feel he could pretend. Pretend that he had made different choices and never left. He was at home, home with Cas and he would be happy. But he’s broken. He spends every day and every night chasing that feeling of nothingness. He would get a blurry glimpse of a pulsing nightclub and then he would close his eyes, let his head fall back and the darkness would crawl back in and cover him like a comforting blanket. He would never remember the night before and that is just how he wanted it.

  

When he became conscious again later that night he was naked. He knew what that meant, but usually the drugs was effective long enough for him not to be _really_ there. Dean had no place to live or money to afford his next fix. Alistair had both; all he wanted in return was Dean pliant and silent. Whenever Alistair had his way with him, all Dean would feel was an ache in his ass the day after. Alistair was an impatient man and he liked to cause pain. Dean was awake now, which was not a good thing. Not good at all. 

“I see your muscles twitching… Which means that you’re awake… Which is only gonna make this all the more fun.” He said it in a singsong voice and Dean knew this would be the time to run, but he wouldn’t. Alistair gave him what he needed, all he could do was to return the favor and be good. 

He felt a hand on his shoulder pulling him back up from where he was bend over the side of the bed. He was turned towards Alistair and he let himself be maneuvered to his knees. He didn’t look at him; he looked just of to the side of Alistair’s right foot counting the nails in the wooden floor. 

A hard grip on his jaw turned his head upwards silently asking him to look at him, but he continued to look of to the side. He knew he was stupid not to obey, but the slap was unexpected. He was sure his cheek turned instantly red, he felt the sting and the ring in his ear. 

“Look at me!” The grip on jaw was unmerciful. He instantly turned his eyes to Alistair’s face and he didn’t like what he saw. Alistair wasn’t what you would call attractive, but that was not what Dean was focused on. He saw the pure anger and the pure affection at the same time. He saw his father. John used to look at him that way before he would… Dean swallowed a sob and derailed that train of thoughts. He emptied his brain and made his body go limb, allowing Alistair to do what he wanted. 

Two unforgiving hands grabbed his hair and he let his jaw go slack, knowing what was coming. As Alistair set a brutal pace, fucking his mouth, not caring if he choked, Dean felt wetness fill his eyes. He willed the tears not to fall, but as Alistair grabbed him threw him onto the bed, ordering him to his hands and knees and pushing into him without any preparation the tears rolled down his cheeks uninvited. It hurt so much more than the dull ache he normally felt when he woke the next day.

A sob escaped his throat and he held his breath. Alistair was sure to have heard that. Shit! The pounding of his ass stopped and Alistair pulled out, but Dean knew that to be a bad sign. He heard the rustling of fabric being fumbled with and then dropped back on the floor. He anticipated that what was to come would hurt, but it was worse than he would have thought. 

The first hit of leather on his skin was painful. The second lash set his skin on fire. The third was agonizing; making his lower back feel like it was being ripped from his bones. Alastair was cold and cruel. On the fourth flog he had turned the belt and the buckle split his skin. He didn’t feel much after that, but after whipping him with the leather belt repeatedly for a while Alistair became bored and went back to fucking him mercilessly. Dean felt the liquid dripping down over his waist and hip and onto the bed turning the dirty sheets red. He didn’t dare to move a single muscle or even breathe. 

Alistair’s pace turned erratic and Dean looked forward to it being over. As Alistair emptied himself in him he gripped his hips hard, boring his nails into the fresh wound. Dean blacked out after that and he had never been more grateful. 

 

The green numbers read 4:55. Dean woke up lying on his stomach, Alistair snoring beside him. He felt sticky between his legs. Slowly he rose from the bed and went to the bathroom. He looked at himself in the mirror. He had dark circles under his eyes and he was so skinny he looked like a walking corpse. He hated what he saw. 

He noticed the red on his side and remembered. He folded some toilet paper and wet it under the faucet. He swiped it over his back and it came back red. He made a quick job of cleaning himself and then clothed himself in the thin hotel rope. 

He walked back into the room and looked at Alistair who had taking advantage of the free space on the bed and had spread himself out. The room was dirty. A mirror on the coffee table was decorated with a few lines of coke. Empty bottles were littered on every surface and dirty clothes were left in piles. He needed air. 

He pushed the glass door to the side and walked out onto the cold tiles of the balcony. The town was waking up underneath him, the traffic easing its way through the lit up streets. Looking down at the cars from the 14th floor made them look so small. He would die if he landed on the pavement down there. How easy it would be to just jump. 

He climbed onto the small café table and from there onto the edge. He held onto the floor of the balcony above him. The wind blew up under his rope, the cold air making him shiver. A car beneath honked at another. It would be so easy to just let go. He looked from the streets and up into the dark morning sky. He didn’t see the moon, the stars or the plane crossing between the clouds. He saw Cas. The Cas he had seen on TV now several times meeting with the president on various occasions. What would he think of him? This wasn’t the way to go. 

He carefully climbed back down almost slipping on the way. He went back inside in the search of a bottle of scotch. He needed not to think.


	14. Alfie-Novak Shrimp

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it has been awhile since the last update and I'm so sorry, but there is just so many things happening right now. I'm doing what I can to find time to write.
> 
> I hope you enjoy ^_^

_Life on the boat could be lonely, especially at nighttime. I would lie in my hammock and look at the stars. And I would think of Dean. I missed him. I thought about Dean all the time._

 

Castiel was sailing in shallow water a bank on either side of him. Fields stretched far to his left and to his right old wooden houses passed him by. He was carefully steering his boat out to sea when he saw him. At the edge of a jetty in his wheelchair sat lieutenant Zar watching the white boat sail past him. Castiel didn’t even think, one second he was standing at the rudder the next he dove over the side of the boat and went under water only to surface again and swim towards Balthazar. 

He climbed up a ladder and stood there wet and dripping extending his hand to his old lieutenant. “Lieutenant Zar, what are you doing here?” He was still trying to catch his breath as he spoke. 

“I thought I’d try out my sea legs.” He answered. He was wearing a bandana around his long hair. His chin and jaw hadn’t seen a razor in a long time. 

Castiel looked at him that same old confusion that always seemed to adorn his face whenever he clearly didn’t understand what was being said. “But Lieutenant Zar you don’t have any legs?” It came out as a question rather than a statement. 

“Well, tell me something I didn’t know Captain Novak. I did promise you that when and if ever you became a shrimp boat captain, I would join you as your first mate. Well, here I am, but don’t you be thinking that I’m gonna be calling you sir.” 

The look on Castiel’s face would best be described as astonished. Just as he was about to open his mouth and say something his boat came crashing into a dock not far from where they were standing splintering its wood to pieces. “That’s my boat.”

  

_Lieutenant Zar always seemed to know where the shrimps would be. He had all these ideas of which and what way to go, but we still didn’t have much luck in catching anything. We did catch a lot of toilet seats and old boots though._

They were emptying their net and all that fell out was old trash and four or five shrimps all in all. Castiel bent down and collected the shellfish with his gloved hand. “Still not many shrimps Lieutenant Zar.” 

Balthazar looked disappointed, “Well I was wrong about going east, again.” He turned his chair around and began wheeling himself back to the wheelhouse. 

“Well, how are we going to find them then?” Castiel asked. 

“Maybe you should just start praying for some shrimps.” 

_So that’s what I did. I started going to church every Sunday. Some days Lieutenant Zar would come too, but I guess he left the praying up to me. And somehow I guess God heard my prayers, because just as everything looked bad God showed his face. A big storm, the people on TV called it Hurricane Carmen. It was the worst storm I had ever seen. Now, I was scared, but Lieutenant Zar he was mad. He kept yelling at thin air and stayed up all night sitting out on deck in the rain._

_Every boat in all of Bayou La Batre was destroyed, all but ours. After the storm shrimpin’ was a lot easier. And since the still needed shrimp for cocktails and barbecues…_

[ ](http://s300.photobucket.com/user/Cecilie_Stenner_Rasmussen/media/Skaeligrmbillede%202015-07-08%20kl.%2022.25.35_zpsdw4fci2p.png.html)

“Alfie-Novak shrimps were what they got. Since the demand was so high we bought a few extra boats. Twelve Deans were sailing the seas, we had a big ol’ warehouse and hats that said Alfie-Novak shrimp. It was a household name.” Castiel looked proud as he finished the sentence. 

The man sitting beside him on the bench didn’t look convinced at all though. “You’re telling me that I’ve been sitting next to the owner of Alfie-Novak shrimp this whole time?” He huffed. 

“Yes sir, we have more money than Davy Crockett.” The woman at the end of the bench looked surprised and enthralled at the same time. 

“Well, now I’ve heard that too. We’ve been sitting beside a millionaire this whole time!” He got up and walked away as he laughed, still not believing one word of what Castiel had said. 

“Well I thought it was a very lovely story and you tell it so well, with such enthusiasm.” The elderly woman moved closer to Castiel. Her grey curls shone silver in the afternoon sun and her smile was sweet and inviting. 

Castiel smiled at the interested that she showed him. “Would you like to see a picture of Lieutenant Zar?” 

“I would very much like to, yes.”

Castiel placed his suitcase in his lap clicking it open and extracting a magazine. “That’s him right there.” He pointed at the front page showing a picture of Balthazar and himself in front of their first boat, black letters spelling out Dean visible in the background. “Now, let me tell you more about Lieutenant Zar.” And so Castiel went on.


	15. Sweet Home Alabama

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning for character death.
> 
> Don't get to used to updates two days in a row, I was just in the mood.

They were on break eating their lunch on deck as the boat rocked back and forth from the movements of the water. They were watching the little portable TV, listening to the anchorman talking when the radio started screeching before a voice carried over the noise. “Base to Dean one. Base to Dean one.” 

Balthazar answered the call. “Dean one speaking.” 

“Castiel has a phone call.” 

“Well, Novak here is busy so tell them to call back at some other time.” Zar responded ready to cut the connection. 

“It’s rather important sir. His brother is sick.” Castiel almost didn’t hear the last bit, it was said with hesitation almost afraid of a reaction they couldn’t even see. 

Castiel didn’t say anything, he didn’t really think anything either, he just acted. Once again he just jumper overboard and swam the short distance to the shore. Balthazar was left sitting in his chair watching Castiel’s figure disappear on land.

  

Castiel caught the first cab he saw and drove all the way straight to his childhood home all the way back to home sweet home; Greenbow, Alabama. He ran across the front lawn and was met by every guest of the house on the porch. He didn’t stop to say hi, he ran inside up the stairs and into Gabriel’s room just as the doctor was getting ready to leave. It was the same doctor that had given him splints on his legs when he was young all those years ago. The doctor looked the same beside his thinner hair and bigger belly. 

The doctor nodded at him as he entered and then left them alone. 

“Hi Gabe.” Castiel takes off his cap and steps over beside the bed easing himself into the chair by Gabriel’s side. 

“Hello Castiel.” His voice is small and frail. 

Castiel clutched the fabric in his hand. “Watch going on Gabe?” 

“I’m dying Castiel.” There was no sugarcoating anything, Castiel had to understand without any need for explaining. “Come sit over here.” Gabriel padded the bed beside his thigh encouraging Castiel to sit closer. 

Castiel did as he was told feeling the bed dip with his weight. Gabriel took his hand between his thin and pale fingers. “Why are you dying?” He swallowed the lump in his throat trying with all his will not to cry.

Gabriel sat up straighter against the headboard, his cold fingers still playing with Castiel’s like a nervous tick trying to distract himself. “It’s just my time Castiel.” Out of some old habit he reached forward and straightened his little brother’s collar. “Death is a part of life. It is a part of everybody’s destiny. But I think the biggest part of my destiny was to be you brother. It was always my destiny to raise you and I did the best I could. Castiel, listen to me. I believe you make your own destiny. You have to do the best with what God gave you.” 

A tear escaped the corner of his eye. “What’s my destiny Gabriel?” 

“Well, you have to go and figure that one out don’t cha. Life is like a box of chocolates, Castiel. You never know what you’re gonna get.” 

 _Gabriel always had a way of explaining things so I could understand them._

_Gabe had gotten cancer. I took care of him, bringing him his candy bars as long as he felt like eating them. He didn’t eat much at the end. He died on a Tuesday and I bought him a new tie with little candy wrappers on._

[ ](http://s300.photobucket.com/user/Cecilie_Stenner_Rasmussen/media/Skaeligrmbillede%202015-07-08%20kl.%2022.25.35_zpsdw4fci2p.png.html)

 

A bus arrived at the stop and Castiel turned to the old lady still sitting there listening with interest and empathy in her eyes. He looked from her to the bus in front of them. “Didn’t you say that you were waiting for number seven?” 

“There’ll be another one along shortly. Go on sweetie.” 

And so Castiel went on, hopefully satisfying her curiosity. 

“Now, because I had been a college graduate, football star, war hero, ping pong star and a shrimpin’ boat captain, the city of Greenbow, Alabama decided to offer me a fine job mowing lawns."

 

[ ](http://s300.photobucket.com/user/Cecilie_Stenner_Rasmussen/media/Skaeligrmbillede%202015-07-08%20kl.%2022.25.35_zpsdw4fci2p.png.html)

 

 _And so I never went back to work with Lieutenant Zar. He did take care of my Alfie-Novak money though. He got me invested in some kind of Fruit Company. One day I got a call from him saying we didn’t need to worry about money. I was happy, just one less thin to worry about._

_Now, Gabe had always told me there is only so much money a man really need and the rest is just for showing of. So I gave a whole bunch to the church and the build a new clock tower. I gave some to the local hospital of Bayou La Batre. Then even though Alfie was dead and Lieutenant Zar said I was nuts. I went and I gave Alfie’s mother his share._

_And guess what? She didn’t have to work for anybody no more. She didn’t even have to cook herself anymore, now she could afford having somebody doing that for her._

_And because I was now a godzillionaire I cut that grass for free._

After a day of riding around on his lawnmower cutting the grass on football fields and in parks Castiel liked to sit in the white rocking chair on the front porch. He would just sit there until the late hours of the night. And he would think of Dean. He would imagine him walking across that grass in his bare feet.


	16. Hello and Goodbye

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another chapter done and we're nearing the end only four chapters to go! I packed in some smut as a christmas present for you guys so I hope you enjoy it <3

Castiel was sitting outside on the porch in the white rocking chair like he always did when he had nothing else to do. He would sit there, rocking back and forth and look out at the green of the front lawn. The green was so vibrant, light green in some places and dark in other and with the sun shining the tiny straws glinted like golden flakes. That lawn that grass right there that was how he would describe the color of Dean’s eyes. He could see them in front of him lighting up like a thousand stars whenever he would smile and the corners of his eyes would crinkle. Just the sight of Dean smiling could make Castiel’s insides bubble with affection and love.

He would always think of Dean. He always imagined him walking there in front of him, finally coming home. He was even seeing him now. He squeezed his eyes shot trying to make the hallucination go away, it just hurt too much seeing him, but knowing he isn’t real. That was until he heard the first wooden step of the porch creak with the pressure of somebody stepping on the old planks. 

Castiel opened his eyes ever so slowly and then there he was staring down at him. Sun kissed skin, millions of freckles adorning every bit of unclothed skin, dirty-blonde hair sticking every which way, plump pink lips, bare feet and golden green eyes. 

“Hey Cas,” was all he said, his voice was rough and smooth. 

He was real. And he was right there. “Hi,” was the single word he could get past his lips, his eyes wide in surprise. 

_Dean came back home and he stayed with me. He was really tired for some reason because he slept and slept like he hadn’t had any sleep for years. The house had been getting lonely and it was so nice having him there, with me._

_Every day we would take a walk. We would walk over the open fields or along the old dusty roads. It didn’t matter. We just walked and I would talk his ears of with stories of Ping-Pong and Lieutenant Zar and Alfie and Gabriel taking a trip to heaven and he would just listen to me going on and on._

They never planned which way to go, they just went where their feet took them and one day as they were walking their feet let them to that house. It was old and rotten by now. The white paint crackled and the windows broken. The cornfield had withered and all left was some brown crunchy leafs.

Dean stopped as his childhood home came into view. He froze completely where he stood just staring at that old wreck of a house. Castiel could hear him suck in a sharp breath and his hands clenching and unclenching at his side and he wanted nothing more than to kiss those knuckles. 

Then suddenly out of nowhere Dean ran forward, grabbing the first big rock he could find and throwing it as hard as he could against the already broken glass. He threw several rocks, some hitting the walls and giving a loud thunk before falling to the ground. Castiel could only stand there and stare as Dean let out years of contained anger. 

When Dean after some time sunk to the ground in defeat Castiel walked over to him quietly plopping down with his ass in the dirt and hugged Dean to his chest. He could feel wetness seeping through his shirt, but he kept quiet.

  

One day they went to their spot. The big old oak tree was still standing with its branches spread proudly towards the sky. They sat on the same branch as when they were young and they would talk till the sunset bathed them in a red light. 

_He never told my why he came home and I didn’t ask. I didn’t care why. All that mattered was that he was there. It was like old times. We were like peas and carrots once again. And everyday I would pick fresh flowers and place them in a vase on the little table by the window in Dean’s room. I caught him one day, just sitting there playing with the flowers._

_When my birthday came around Dean gave me the best gift I could have ever wished for. Running shoes. Dean even taught me how to dance. I didn’t even know he knew how, but we danced in the living room whenever there would be a good song on the radio. It was the happiest time in my life._

It was dark outside. The TV making mindless noise in the background as they sat on opposite ends of the windowsill nestling a beer, well Castiel was nestling a Dr. Pepper. The people on the TV shouted with joy, smiling as they watched the fireworks go off. It was the fourth of July. 

Castiel had been fidgeting for most of the night, seemingly nervous and having something on his mind. He sat there peeling at the label on the wet flask and occasionally looking over at Dean who just sat there watching the opposite wall. 

“You done watching this?” Dean asked out of the blue and as Castiel nodded he got up and turned off the noises and flashing lights. “I’m going to bed, goodnight Cas.” He turned and walked towards the stairs already a few steps up when Castiel came up behind him. At the sound of footsteps Dean stopped and turned around looking down at Castiel. 

Without the bottle in his hands Castiel had nothing to fiddle with beside the hem of his shirt. He was looking at the suddenly very interesting floorboards trying to muster up the courage he needed. 

After a deep inhale and a long exhale he turned his eyes towards Dean’s big green orbs. He was standing there waiting so patiently for Castiel to say what he needed. And without much further thought it just blurted out of his mouth. “Will you marry me Dean? I would make a great husband.” 

“I know you would, Cas.” Dean said, his voice honest and filled with adoration. “But you don’t want to marry me.” He took a step further up the steps. 

“I do, Dean. Why don’t you love me?” Castiel could see that look of sympathy that he just hated when it was sent his way. He liked Dean because he never did that, even when he said something stupid, but he was looking at him like that now. “I may not be a smart man, but I know what love is.” And with that he ran up the stairs, past Dean and into his own room shutting the door behind him. 

Castiel still had the same room as when he was little. The same single bed and that old drawing stuck to the wall. His Curious Charlie was safely tucked into a box under the bed. He dressed in his white and blue striped pajamas and climbed underneath the blanket. He stared up at the ceiling for some time before he finally fell asleep. 

  

Castiel woke suddenly at some point in the night he had this feeling of someone staring at him and he woke up to see Dean standing in the door. He was bathed in the light from the hallway and for a second there he looked like an angel. 

Dean shifted a bit when he noticed Castiel’s open eyes. He turned and walked back to his own room leaving Castiel’s door open as an invitation to follow. So Castiel got up from where he was wrapped up in blanket and comforter.

The room Dean slept in had a big window towards the garden. The walls were light blue and the furniture pure white. There was a queen-sized bed in here, much bigger than Castiel’s. Dean was standing at the window, his back to Castiel and it looked as if he was biting his nails. 

“I do love you Cas,” his voice was so soft Castiel almost didn’t hear it. “I do love you, but I don’t deserve you and you don’t want me.” 

Castiel took tentative steps into the room slowly making his way towards Dean standing quietly behind him. Dean turned around then and Castiel could see unshed tears making his eyes shine like diamonds in the moonlight. 

They stood there staring at each other for hours… Seconds… It was as if the were slowly gravitating towards the other like two magnets. Finally they connected and Castiel remembered this. He remembered how Dean’s lips felt like so many years ago and now he experienced it all over again, the feather light touch of lips soft like silk. And the without warning Dean grabbed the back of Castiel’s neck and deepened the kiss plunging his tongue into Castiel’s mouth. It was needy, messy and desperate like Dean had been craving this for ages. 

Castiel let Dean lead and tried to imitate his movements. He settled a hand on the back of Dean’s neck too the little short strands of hair tickling his skin. He could help but let his hand travel up further where he could bury his fingers in that messy hair. He tucked at it and Dean let out a deep groan. Thinking he had hurt Dean Castiel drew away from the kiss beginning to apologize. 

“Don’t apologize Cas. It wasn’t because it hurt. Please do it again.” But Cas didn’t get the chance to before Dean backed him towards the bed and had him sit on the edge. “You remember that time at my dorm?” Cas nodded, it was the first and only time he had been that intimate with anybody. “Will you let me do that again?” Dean asked and when Cas gave another curt nod he sank to his knees. 

Castiel lifted himself of the bed just enough for Dean to pull down his pajama pants and his underwear along with them. His dick lay against his thigh, but as he was still practically a virgin it didn’t take more than a few strokes of Dean’s hands to make it peek up in interest. 

Dean ran his calloused hands up and down the shaft till it was fully hard. Sliding over the head he collected the bead of pre-cum. Then without further ado he placed a wet kiss to the tip. Castiel was already breathing hard and his heart was racing in his chest. 

Dean laid his tongue flat against the length licking from bottom to head reveling in the small gasp and grunts that would leave Castiel’s mouth. He hadn’t even put him in his mouth yet and Castiel was already done for. 

While looking up at Castiel through his long lashes Dean enveloped the head in the heat and wetness of his mouth. Hollowing his cheeks he sucked gently running his tongue over the slit and tasting another salty bead of cum. He felt Castiel’s nervousness and grabbed both his hands in his hair as he moved down slowly swallowing inch by inch. Dean felt Castiel’s grip tighten pulling slightly a tingling running through his scalp, down his spine and going south. Dean groaned, the sound sending vibration through Castiel’s dick and he echoed with a groan of his own.

Dean bobbed his head up and down loving the feeling of Castiel getting more and more into it, starting to push down on Dean’s head. Dean gladly obliged making his throat go lax until he could bury his nose in Castiel’s black curly hair. On the up-stroke he let his tongue trail along the sensitive vein on the underside, which earned him a loud moan. 

Dean let one of his own hands travel below his sweatpants grabbing his own neglected dick in hand and started stroking in rhythm with his mouth’s movements. 

It didn’t take much time before Castiel was close, but just as Dean could feel his dick twitching on his tongue he pulled off. Castiel groaned in frustration of the loss of touch. 

“Lean against the headboard,” Dean ordered and Castiel obeyed crawled onto the bed and placing himself in the middle back against the array of pillows. “No touching yourself,” Castiel submissively put his hands under his back palms flat on the mattress. 

Dean rummaged through his still unpacked duffel bag on the floor. Grabbing a see-through bottle he shed his clothes and climbed onto the bed leaning against the opposite end. He spread his legs invitingly looking at Castiel’s eyes the whole time seeing that barely controlled lust hiding in the sea of blue. He kept looking at him as he clicked open the bottle squeezing some of the gooey contents onto his fingers. 

Castiel didn’t meet Dean’s insistent stare. He couldn’t take his eyes of Dean’s body. Eyeing that pink pucker being stretched slightly as Dean slid a lube covered finger inside. He swallowed and felt his own Adam’s apple bobbing with the movement. His fingers itching with the need to touch Dean or himself, he didn’t really know. He had never really felt like this before. It was like a whole new beautiful thing, another reason to love Dean even more. 

He sat there, mesmerized. Staring as a second finger joined the first and Dean stroked himself in the same rhythm as he pumped his fingers in and out scissoring himself open. With a squelching sound he pulled the fingers out his hole gaping at the loss.

Quickly wiping his fingers on the sheet he crawled over on top of a baffled Castiel. “You can touch me if you want to.” Dean said his voice sounding wrecked. Castiel pulled his hands from under him and the first thing he could think about was getting Dean’s lips back on his, so with a gentle hand on the neck he pulled Dean towards him pressing against him. He kissed Dean like he had kissed him, nipping at his lower lip like Dean had and mapping out his mouth with his tongue. Dean tasted like bear and the steak they had had for dinner and then something so completely Dean, a taste that couldn’t be described as anything else than amazing. 

Dean ripped open a little silver package that Castiel hadn’t even noticed was lying on the bed. He opened it carefully and rolled the condom onto Castiel’s leaking and stone hard shaft. Then he stroked Castiel a few times coating the condom in more lube. 

Dean positioned himself above Castiel guiding his cock to his hole and slowly slid down. Castiel gasped as he was enveloped with incredibly heat. Dean was so tight Castiel almost blacked out from the sensation, but he was pulled from his euphoria when he heard Dean hiss slightly against his lips. Out of instinct Castiel grabbed Dean’s hips and stilled his movements. 

“Dean stop, I’m hurting you.” Castiel’s voice sounded like gravel from pure arousal, but he also sounded sincerely concerned. 

“Cas, it’s okay.” Dean said the ‘I’m used to it’ hanging unsaid in the air between them. And then Dean sank the down the rest of the way until Castiel was fully sheathed inside of him. Everything stood still for a second as Dean took a moment to take a deep breath and Castiel didn’t breathe at all. 

Then Dean slowly raised himself until the head was the only thing inside him and then forcefully sank back down punching the breath out of Castiel. 

Dean started moving up and down setting a brutal pace moaning loudly as he found the perfect angle for Castiel’s cock to hit his prostate with every thrust. It didn’t take long before Castiel started moaning just as loud. Involuntarily thrusting up into Dean, but soon finding the rhythm. Without thinking if it would hurt Dean he dug his nails into his hips in sheer desperation. 

He felt heat pool in his lower abdomen, “Dean I think I’m gonna come.” 

Dean sped up the pace leaning down enough to capture Castiel’s lips as he took his own yet again neglected dick in hand. He stroked himself furiously and then came with a cry that was swallowed by Castiel. He painted Castiel’s chest as he stroked himself through his orgasm. His hole started clenching around Castiel and the sensation was all that Castiel needed before he came with a groan emptying himself inside Dean.  

Dean slowly moved up and down working Castiel through his orgasm before he finally collapsed on top of him. Castiel’s chest was slightly red from arousal and his blue eyes had disappeared blown up by pitch-black pupils. Dean admired the sight for a moment before crawling off and walking to the bathroom to get a washcloth to wipe them both clean. 

He gently wiped his own cum from Castiel’s chest before tenderly sliding the condom off of Castiel’s now soft dick and tying the end before throwing it of to the side. Then he crawled into bed and cuddled himself against Castiel draping the blanket over them. 

Castiel wrapped an arm around Dean’s bag feeling him melting into his side like he belonged there. It didn’t take long for Castiel to fall asleep and when he woke the next morning it was to an empty bed and a medal placed on the pillow beside him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story has not yet been looked through by my beta but she is working on it, until then I hope you can live with my mistakes ^_^


	17. Moving Forward

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a very short chapter.. It's just like a filler ^_^ I still hope you like it though <3   
> Again we're nearing the end here! :P

When Castiel woke up that morning to find the bed empty he felt… he didn’t really feel anything it was like he was empty, just a big deep hollow hole with a resounding echo. Maybe somewhere deep down he knew this was how it was going to go. 

He swung his legs over the side of the bed, got up and went to his own room for fresh clothes to put on. Lacing the shoes he had gotten from Dean he went down stairs and out into the crisp morning air. It was beautiful outside this early in the morning, but somehow the green of the grass seemed dull compared to the green of Dean’s eyes and the birds chirping was not nearly as beautiful a sound as the sound of Dean’s voice. Nothing really, was pretty anymore the way it had been. 

He walked over the creaking wooden planks to his rocking chair sitting down in the cold seat. He sat there staring, his mind empty of thoughts. He sat there for ten minutes? An hour? And then suddenly he got up and walked across the porch. 

_That day, for no particular reason, I just felt like running. So I ran. I ran to the end of the road and when I didn’t feel satisfied, I ran to the end of town. When I got there I just continued to the end of Greenbow County and when I had gotten that far I though why not just keep on going?_

_I ran straight across the state of Alabama. I ran so far that I reached the ocean and since I had already gotten this far I just turned around and kept on going. When I reached another ocean I did the same, I just kept on running. When I was tired I would find a place to sleep and when I was hungry I would eat, but I would keep on running every waken moment._

_I would think about Gabriel, Alfie and Lieutenant Zar, but most of all I would think about Dean. I would run past people that would look like him and I would feel this longing. I thought about him a lot._

_Some man from the news would try and stop me to ask questions, but all I had to say was that I just felt like running. That man looked at me weird._

_And then one day I got company. A young guy apparently recognized me from TV and just started running along and before I knew it a whole group of people was following right behind me. Somebody once told me it brought people hope, but I wouldn’t know anything about that._

_People started coming to me for advice. This guy came to me and… I don’t really know what he needed help for, but he made this bumper sticker apparently with the slogan shit happens and he made a lot of money off of it. Then there was this one guy designing t-shirts and he wanted my face on his shirts, but he couldn’t draw or had a camera or anything. He did lent me a yellow t-shirt to wipe some mud off my face when a truck and splattered some on me. He seemed like a nice guy. He did come up with an idea some time later though and he too made a lot of money off of it._

_Anyway, like I was saying, I had a lot of company. Gabriel always said you got to put the past behind you before you can move on. And I think that's what my running was all about. I had run for three years, two months, fourteen days, and sixteen hours._

_And then suddenly I don’t felt like running no more. So I went home._


	18. Bert and Ernie

_Then one day as I was sitting at home sorting through the mail I found a letter from Dean._

   [](http://s300.photobucket.com/user/Cecilie_Stenner_Rasmussen/media/Skaeligrmbillede%202015-07-08%20kl.%2022.25.35_zpsdw4fci2p.png.html)

“Out of the blue he asked me if I could some visit and that’s why I’m here in Savannah. He had seen me running on TV. I’m taking bus number 9 to Richmond Street and then I have to walk the rest of the way to 1-9-4-7 Henry Street.” 

The elderly woman had stayed right to the end of Castiel’s story. “What an intriguing life you’ve had. Wait, did you say Henry Street?” She asked confusion on her face and Castiel nodded at her question. “You don’t need a bus to Henry Street it’s only about five blocks down that way.” She pointed at the street running to the left of the park. 

Castiel followed the way she pointed, “Just down that way?” 

“Yes dear, now run along your man is waiting for you.” The woman smiled a sweet smile. 

“Thank you so much. It was nice talking to you.” The lady didn’t answer just shooed Castiel of.

  

Castiel only had to walk for five minutes before he stood in front of a grey apartment building. He quickly climbed the stairs to the third floor finding Dean’s apartment and only hesitating for a second before knocking on the door. Not even when he was in Vietnam had he felt this nervous. 

He heard footsteps on the other side of the door and then complete silence for a minute before the door was opened. Dean stood on the other side frozen in place. They looked at each other for a long time and then without warning Dean took a step forward throwing his arms around his neck and kissing the breath out of him. 

Castiel went stiff from the chock, but as Dean licked his way into his mouth he melted into it and let Dean take what he needed.

The kiss didn’t last long though because as ripped out a dream Dean parted from Castiel and nearly threw himself back a few steps into the room. “Shit! I’m so sorry, I don’t know what got into me.” He gestured for Castiel to step inside. “Come on in.” 

Castiel took careful steps into what would best be described as a dining room with an adjoining living room to the left. “So this is where you live.” 

“Yeah, I’m sorry it’s so messy I just got home from work.” Dean started gathering papers lying of the table into a stack and quickly tidying up a bit. 

“It’s okay,” Castiel lay a hand on Dean’s making him stop worrying about the appearance of his apartment. “Where do you work?” 

“At a local garage,” Dean answered. “Turns out I have a talent for fixing every car to ever exist.” He laughed nervously looking at Castiel who was once again astonished by how green those eyes were. 

“Oh, I almost forgot! I bought you a box of chocolate.” Castiel put his suitcase on the table fishing the box out of it and handing it to Dean with a shy look that of a six year old who has done something they shouldn’t. “Uhm, I ate some…” 

“Thank you.” Dean took the box and placed on the table. Then he seemed to remember something and went sorting through a mess that had formed on a shelf along the wall. “I made a scrapbook. I usually don’t do stuff like that, but every time I saw you in the paper I just had to cut it out. I’ve got all the pictures of you running. You grew a long beard over that time.” 

Castiel ran a gentle finger over a cutout of himself in the book held out for him to see. “I ran for a long time.” 

Dean looked up at him his eyes with this pleading look as he kept on talking. “Look, Cas… I’m so sorry, man. I was so fucked up for a long while. I feel like I need to apologize for leaving so many times and the way I did. I was so messed up…” He didn’t get to talk any further when there was a tiny knock on the door and a head popped in. 

“Hi, just dropping her of I’m illegally parked so I have to run back down, bye.” 

A little blonde girl was left standing at the door looking up at the two men. “Honey, why don’t you go watch some TV.” Big blue eyes looked from one to the other before running into the adjoining room and plopping down in front of some cartoons. 

“She’s yours?” Castiel couldn’t seem to stop staring. 

“Yeah, I had a one night stand with her mother and when she died they somehow tracked me down. Her name is Claire. She’s the best thing that could’ve ever happened to me. Se forced me to get back on track.” 

“She’s the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.” Castiel was gaping at the mop of beach-blonde hair laughing over something Bert did to Ernie. 

“I know. I don’t remember much of her mom, but somehow she turned out with the exact shade of blue eyes that haunt my dreams. I guess I must have a type,” Dean smiled. “Go, go sit with her. I’ll go get some cookies and some lemonade. 

Castiel cautiously neared the TV and sat down on a pillow beside Claire. “Hi, what are you watching?” 

Eyes never leaving the screen Claire answered, “Bert and Ernie.” After a few minutes pause she looked up at the big man beside her. “Are you the Castiel that my daddy can’t stop talking about?” Castiel couldn’t really answer to that and he didn’t get the chance either. “Are you going to be my daddy too?” 

“Claire haven’t I told you not to ask everybody stuff like that?” Dean came carrying a tray into the living room and sitting down on the couch where Castiel quickly climbed up and joined him. 

“Yeah…” She turned back to the TV with a moping face.

  

Later that day after full stomachs after a big lunch of homemade burgers they went to the park and while Claire was on the swings Dean and Castiel got some time to themselves. They sat on a park bench underneath a birch and enjoyed the last warmth of the afternoon sun. 

Dean was watching his daughter run around and all the while Castiel was watching Dean and the special glint in his eyes when he seemed truly happy. 

They sat in silence like that for a long while, but after some time Dean’s smile fell and turned into a more serious frown and he turned to Castiel. “Cas, I’m sick.” 

“Okay… I had a cold a few weeks back and…” 

“No Cas, not like that. I’m… I’m really sick. I have some sort of virus and the doctors don’t know what it is and they don’t know how to treat it. Cas, I’m dying.” Dean had taken Castiel’s hand in his letting the thumb stroke over the back of it in a soothing gesture. 

Castiel didn’t seem to understand at first, but Dean gave him time to let it sink in. He looked out at that small girl who bore so much of her dad in her and was soon to be without him. “You can come live with me, both of you. You could all stay at my house back in Greenbow and I’ll take good care of you when you’re sick. I took good care of Gabriel I can do that again.” 

“That’s so sweet of you Cas. I’ve actually been meaning to ask you… Cas, would you marry me? It would mean a lot to me if you could adopt Claire. I just need to know she won’t be left alone when I’m gone and I’ve always known that you would make a great dad some day and… What I’m trying to say is that I love you and I would like to marry you before I won’t have the chance to.” 

“Yes, Dean I’ve always known you were the one for me so of course I will marry you.”


	19. I Do

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the end guys. I had planned on this being two chapters, but it fit better this way.I hope you will enjoy this chapter and that you liked this story ^_^

The lawn in front of the big old white house had turned lime-green. Chairs draped with white cloths had been situated neatly in straight rows on either side of an aisle marked with two lines of white roses. At the end of the makeshift aisle stood an arch decorated with white roses, lilies and bridal veils. A group of formally dressed people were milling about in the warm summer sun talking among each other. It was a beautiful day for a wedding. 

Castiel was wearing a sleek black suit with a light blue silk tie that complimented the color of his eyes. He was standing at the edge of the porch waiting for his soon to be husband to be ready. He heard the creaking of the door screen behind him and as he turned around his breath was punched out of him. There he was, the man of his dream, in a simple white suite and green silk tie. Castiel noticed the bare feet; guess Dean would never totally let go of his hippy style. They caught each other’s eyes and they stared. They stared like they had a habit of doing, staring so intently that you would think that they were reading each other’s souls. 

“Your tie,” Castiel looked down at his own chest and first then noticed that his tie was facing the wrong way, but before he could correct it Dean reached out at did it for him. He let his hands rest on Castiel’s chest moving them up over his shoulders and down his arms. Dean was just about to lean in for a quick kiss when he noticed a cab stopping at the edge of their property and two people getting out. 

Castiel had closed his eyes waiting for the touch of lips when nothing came but a push on his arm turning him around. He opened his eyes slowly to see what he was being directed at and what he saw made a surprised smile turn the corners of his mouth upward. Lieutenant Zar was slowly walking across the lawn a dark haired woman on his arm. Castiel ran down the few steps and met Zar halfway Dean following behind him. 

“Lieutenant Zar… You’re… You’re walking?” Castiel was speechless. 

“Hello Novak,” Balthazar was smiling, Castiel had never really seen him smile before. 

“You got new legs,” Castiel just couldn’t let go of the fact that Lieutenant Zar was standing. 

“Yeah, I got new legs,” he said as he lifted up his pant leg. “Custom-made titanium alloy. It’s what they use on the space shuttle. Cost a hell of a lot, but they’re worth it… and the lady digs them. Novak, meet my wife Hannah.” The two of them shook hands and then he continued, “and this must be the infamous Dean that I’ve heard so much about?” 

“Yes sir,” Dean shook his hand firmly. 

The group was broken apart before they could say anything more when they were notified that the actual wedding was about to start.

  

Beside the altar sat a single girl with an acoustic guitar playing on random strings not really playing a certain melody, but it sounded good. As she started playing Dean and Castiel walked arm in arm down the aisle the guests following them as they went. On a chair in the front row beside the aisle sat Claire in the finest white silk dress and a bow in her blonde hair of both a green and blue string. Her fathers smiled at her as they walked past and she gave them a little wave. 

They stopped right underneath the arch and let go of each other. As they turned towards each other Castiel noticed a tear in the corner of Dean’s eye. Hoping it was a tear of joy he didn’t mention it. The minister started talking, but Castiel didn’t listen he couldn’t hear or see anything else than the man in front of him. Only when the minister addressed both of them was he pulled out of his trance. 

“I understand you wrote your own vows…” 

Castiel fumbled for the piece of paper in his inner pocket and carefully unfolded it. He cleared his throat and started reading. “I am not good with words, so I wrote this down so I wouldn’t forget a thing because there is so much that I need to say. I vow to be your husband faithfully and loyally till the day death breaks us apart.” He stammered over the words, but soon found more confidence. “I promise to adopt Claire and treat her as my own. I will love and cherish you both.” Once again Dean’s eyes became wet with unshed tears and he cast a glance to his, soon their, daughter. 

“All life I’ve had to listen to people who called me stupid and retarded, but Dean, you never called me any of that. You were my only friend when things were rough and even though we’ve been torn apart lots of times we always seem to find our way back together.” Confidentially he folded the paper again and threw it on the grass, this part he knew by heart. “You once told me that I didn’t know what love was, but I’ve known ever since the first time I saw you. I remember your voice and the way you smiled so innocently and in that exact moment I knew that the feeling I had back then of my heart skipping a beat and time standing still around me that is what love is. I may not be the smartest man on earth, but loving you is the cleverest thing I have ever done. You deserve all the love I can give you and all the love that you will accept. “ 

Dean couldn’t deny the tear running down his cheek no matter how hard he tried. Dean didn’t need a paper; he had known for a long time what he needed to say. “Cas, for such a long time I thought that I didn’t deserve you. You’re so good and so pure and I considered myself worthless for so many years. It took me way too long to figure out that the only time that I have ever felt good about myself was when I was with you.” He reached out for both of Castiel’s hands and took a step towards him as he held them. 

“I tried so hard to let go of you because I thought that you needed to be with someone other than me, but I never realized how much you cared about me. No matter what you never gave up on me and to this day I’m so grateful for that. This day I stand before you and I say yes to all that you can and want to give me. I say yes, I’ll be your husband for as long as the universe allows and I’ll let you teach me what love is because it was me that never knew.” 

The minister raised his hands, “I now declare you lawful wedded husbands, and you may now kiss.” And they did, the kiss was deep but sweet and the sound of people clapping faded into the background.

  

It had been a long day and they were both tired from dancing, eating, laughing and lots of kisses. They were both tired, but neither Castiel nor Dean had any doubt that this was the greatest day in all of their lives. They had tucked Claire in and said goodbye to the guests as they left one by one. Though some of the drunkest had been carried to a room and would be here till morning. 

Dean and Castiel had finally made it to their bedroom where there was peace and quiet. Castiel had gone to the bathroom and when he came back into the room Dean was standing outside on the balcony. Castiel walked through the open glass door and into the chill night air. The sound of crickets was evident and sounded like their own little orchestra. 

Dean was leaning against the railing in only his pajamas pants. Castiel walked up behind him and circled his arms around Dean’s warm torso. Placing a gentle kiss on his neck he whispered, “I love you.” 

Dean turned around in his arms and they stood face to face so close that they breathed in the other one’s exhale. “I know and I love you too, but… I…” Dean couldn’t get the words out. 

“Let’s not think about that right now Dean. Today was the best day of my life and I wouldn’t want to ruin it. Right now I want to sleep and I want to do it with my husband by my side.”

  

One day when Castiel was out in the garden pushing Claire back and forth on a tire swing Dean was roaming around in the big house. He just felt curious and it wasn’t the first time he had gone exploring in drawers and cabinets. This day though, he found something that made him fall to his knees. It was a stack of letters all addressed to him, but he had never received a single one of them. He opened the first envelope and read the neatly written words in Castiel’s handwriting. 

Dean had gone through more than half of the stack of letters when Castiel found him crying on the floor. When Dean noticed him standing there he lifted his puffy eyes to his. “Cas, I never knew… You sent me all these letters… You were facing deaths and war and you found time to write me this many times… I… I…” 

Castiel sat down on his knees and gathered Dean into his arms. “Shh it’s okay Dean,” he soothed his crying husband. He let a hand run up and down his arm. Dean had lost some weight over the time they had been married and Castiel could feel on his arms that his muscles were slowly fading. 

“I don’t know what’s wrong with me I just can’t stop crying these days and I…” Dean didn’t get to finish his sentence before he quickly stood up and ran to the bathroom. The single piece of bread that he had cramped down this morning was thrown up along with a lot of stomach acid. Castiel was not far behind with a warm hand on his back. 

He helped Dean up when he was done puking, “let’s get you into bed and I’ll call the doctor okay?”

  

Dean had been lying in bed for weeks now and he was only getting weaker. He was sleeping a lot of the time and sometimes Castiel would walk in and find Claire sleeping beside him curled together on his chest. Castiel knew this illness wasn’t like Gabriel’s, but the doctors had little to tell them. They were making small progress in defining this new disease, but they knew that no one would survive it. 

Sometimes Castiel would walk in there and Dean wouldn’t even recognize him. It was heartbreaking, but this morning Dean seemed clear in his head. Castiel was bringing his tray of breakfast well knowing that Dean wouldn’t eat anything. 

As he was putting the tray down on the table beside the bed Dean addressed him, “Cas, were you ever afraid?” Castiel sat down in the chair beside him with a questioning look. “In Vietnam, were you ever scared?” 

“Yes, well no, sometimes… I don’t really know I didn’t have time to think about it. I can tell you this though it was beautiful at times. Like when the rain would stop long enough for the stars to come out. It was as beautiful as when the sun went down in the Bayou or at the big lakes where the mountains would be reflected on the surface and you couldn’t see where sky ended and where it began. And in the desert when the sun came up I couldn’t tell you where heaven and earth began. It was beautiful Dean.” 

“I wish I could have been there with you.” 

“You were,” Castiel fished a tiny square out of his pocket. “I have never gone anywhere without this.” He gave the square to Dean who looked down on a younger version of himself and smiled. 

“I love you.”

  

“You died on a Saturday morning and I had you placed here under our tree.” Castiel was standing in front of a simple gravestone under the wide branches of their favorite tree. The text on the stone read _Dean Novak July 16 1945-march 22 1982 beloved husband and father._

“Oh, and I had your fathers house bulldozed to the ground I think you would’ve liked that.” He was furiously wiping at the tears that couldn’t stop from spilling down his cheeks. “Gabriel always said that dying was a part of life. I sure wish it wasn’t. Claire, she’s doing just fine. The first spring sun brought out her freckles and she just looks so much like you. She is gonna start school soon and she is already so clever. She’s so smart Dean. I’m teaching her how to play pin pong and every night we read together. She’s so good, you would be so proud of her. She gave me this letter she wrote to you, but she told me not to read it so I will just leave it here for you.” He placed the letter gently against the stone and then straightened out again. 

"Dean, I don’t know if Gabriel was right or if it was Lieutenant Zar. I don’t know if we each have a destiny or if we’re all just floating around randomly as if on a breeze, but I think maybe it’s both. I miss you Dean, so damn much! But if you need me you know I won’t be far.”

  

In the fall Claire had her first day of school and as they were waiting for the bus to arrive Castiel noticed his old Curious Charlie book sticking out of her backpack. “I loved this story when I was your age.” He flipped through the pages and a long forgotten about oil black feather was caught by a breeze and carried into the sky. It danced in the wind as gently as a melody flowing through air and if you listen close enough you can almost hear it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have a beta working on this story but there are limits to how fast she can work.


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